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16 Reasons Why Spring Term is Better Than Winter Term

(03/29/16 3:41pm)

Unless you’ve come back from studying abroad in New Zealand (or, like me, returned from your off term genuinely thinking Foco had switched to disposable plates and utensils when you ate there Sunday…), you’re excited to be back on campus for what’s to be an awesome term. Or, at least a term not as bad as the last one. Let’s face it: most of us could not wait to put the winter behind us. And in a battle of winter term versus spring term, spring always wins:



Spring Break: Expectations Versus Reality

(03/28/16 1:49pm)

How was your spring break? Maybe you spent the past two weeks vacationing in some tropical destination, Instagramming your #squadgoals and your fresh tan lines. Or maybe you went home, where you scrolled through the aforementioned Instagram posts while waiting for Netflix to auto-play the next “House of Cards” episode. If this spring break did not live up to your expectations (like season four of “House of Cards”), don’t give up yet — there's always summer, when “Orange is the New Black” comes out.


Confessions of a Teenage Jet Setter: Spring Break 2016

(03/28/16 12:47pm)

After a stressful and jam-packed winter term, most Dartmouth students look forward to relaxing and spending quality time with friends and family over spring break. But in practice, we spend two weeks doing the exact opposite. How can you relax when there are pictures to be posted and general #FOMO to be spread? Don’t you feel so much ~*WaNdErLuSt*~ looking at your Facebook friends’ 16SprangBreak photos? Unfortunately, not all of us can take fabulous vacations like Sevelyn Gat. So this spring break, I decided to take Dartbeat readers with me on my trip to the world’s most cliché beautiful travel destinations:



Dartmouth: Lies

(03/08/16 7:25am)

I took this article in my quest to expose the capital “T” truth about Dartmouth. As an upperclassman, I feel an obligation to tell things as they are and not as the administration or wide-eyed ’19s see them. Essentially, I’m here to drop some truth bombs and call a little bit of bullshit on some things that the more optimistic of our community members may believe. Am I bitter? A little. Cyncial? Probably. Is this uncalled for? Not at all. This is for your own good.


Finals Bingo

(03/07/16 3:20pm)

The Stacks have hit max capacity, Novack is poppin’ and the KAF line officially wraps around the building. What is happening? Week ten has arrived, and with it the migration of the entire student body to Baker-Berry. This finals week, avoid tearing your hair out in crowd-induced frustration—play a game of Finals Bingo during your two-hour wait for chocolate milk (with a shot):



Alternate Walks of Shame

(03/04/16 1:00pm)

The phrase “walk of shame” usually refers to returning home in the harsh morning sun after having spent the night with another individual doing things neither your mother nor College President Phil Hanlon would approve of. However, "walk of shame" has never sat well with me—in the year 2016, there’s nothing inherently shameful about an adult sleepover. In fact, there are several other walks across campus that are far worse. You should leave your hookup with your head held high and give thanks that you’re not taking one of these far more shameful “walks of shame”:



Founding Charter of Dartmouth Revised

(03/04/16 11:31am)

There is a curious room just to the right of the Baker library entrance (the one that opens onto Tuck Drive). If you haven’t yet been inclined to step inside, I encourage you to do so. For if you do – if you more than flick your eyes inside while you walk past on the way to the misery of studying or waiting interminably in the KAF line – you will see some interesting things, foremost among them Dartmouth's Founding Charter.



28 Ways to Complete Your Phil (Hanlon) Hours

(03/03/16 9:48am)

It’s week nine and thatmeans a few things: first, longer hours in the library and at KAF; second, your New Year’s Resolution to go to the gym regularly is as dead as the Old School; third, your DBA is lower than your self-esteem while shoveling mac and cheese bites into your face hole; and last,if you’re affiliated, you’ve procrastinated doing your philanthropy hours and are at severe risk of having to pay the iron price (akahaving no evidence to support your claimthat being Greek isn’t just about having awelcoming, tightly-knit community of low-key drunks.)


How to Lose a Formal Date in 10 Minutes

(03/02/16 1:45pm)

Friends, if there’s one thing I’ve gained from my obscenely expensive college education, it’s a keen sense of rejection and failure. Though this is mostly experienced in the classroom (EARS 002, you are a stone cold bitch, pun intended) and in the extracurricular realm (What do you mean I have to apply to help poor starving children?), this certainly also applies to my social life. As everyone knows, formal season is fast approaching, and although I do not get to attend one of my own (#freeKDE), I can still help you turn yours into a bona fide shitshow. Here are some tips to make sure that special someone leaves you alone for the rest of the night:


Alternate Dartmouth Engagement Photos

(03/02/16 9:21am)

You are studying in the tower room, running around Occom or cutting across the Green when you look over and see them – a glowing couple taking engagement photos. Here’s an interesting statistic for you: 10% of Dartmouth grads go on to marryother Dartmouth grads. After all, there’s nothing more romantic than drunkenly playing pong, sitting together in puddles of beer on frat basement benches, sending awkward flitzes or hooking up at TDX dance parties – all ways in which Dartmouth students often get together.


A Tale of Two DBAs

(02/29/16 12:36pm)

It is the best of times worst of times. As week nine rolls around, I think we can all agree that things are grim at best. As I write this post in the periodicals on a Saturday night, I’m realizing that there are way too many people in here with me, which is indicative of a few things: 1) Finals are coming, 2) I’m not the only one who hasn’t started that huge final paper due next week and 3) We are all screwed. Misery likes company, right?


8 Alternative Ways to Get Around Campus During the Hoverboard Ban

(02/25/16 3:38pm)

Of all the bans to strike the Dartmouth campus this year, none have so profoundly affected student life as the recent hoverboard ban. First it was hard alcohol, next it was Greek life and now the administration is cracking down on student transportation. And I know what you’re thinking: Isn’t Dartbeat responsible for the ban in the first place? I assure you that Luke McCann, the Dartbeat reporter who last month threatened to withhold donations from the College should hoverboards remain on campus, has since been shunned:






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