8 Alternative Ways to Get Around Campus During the Hoverboard Ban

By Margaret Jones | 2/25/16 10:38am

Of all the bans to strike the Dartmouth campus this year, none have so profoundly affected student life as the recent hoverboard ban. First it was hard alcohol, next it was Greek life and now the administration is cracking down on student transportation. And I know what you’re thinking: Isn’t Dartbeat responsible for the ban in the first place? I assure you that Luke McCann, the Dartbeat reporter who last month threatened to withhold donations from the College should hoverboards remain on campus, has since been shunned:

But the real question is: What ever happened to “live free or die,” Dartmouth? I mean, when Patrick Henry said “Give me liberty or give me death,” he was obviously talking about students’ right to ride hoverboards to class. Sadly, in the wake of this unprecedented attack on our transportation liberties, there remain only eight MDF-approved ways of getting around campus:

1. Heelys

Daaaaaaaaamn Daniel, back at it again with the white Vans Heelys!

2. Pogo Stick

FYI, pogo sticks work much better in the winter. Just think, this could be you:

P.S. If you didn’t get my Hannah Montana reference, we aren't *true* friends.

3. Hitch a ride on the GDX mopeds

You’ve been dreaming of doing this every since you saw their #squad roll up to Foco that one time freshman fall.

4. Ripstik

Definitely the number one way to crack your head open relive your middle school glory days while also getting a pretty good workout in. ~wiggle wiggle wiggle~

5. Break your ankle/leg/toe and have S&S drive you around

No pain, no gain, amirite? (You could also spare yourself the injury, buy a boot on Amazon and #fakeittilyoumakeit.)

6. Barbie Jeep

This is your chance to finally feel like the princess that you truly are (and maybe snag your own Ken to ride along with you!)

7. Broom

There’s no better way to get around campus while simultaneously honing your flying #skillz for House Quidditch (@admin if I have to join a house, this better be a thing).

8. Pegasus

There is honestly nothing I can say to convince you that this is NOT a great idea. Plus, frat pegasuses (pegasi?) are the next big thing.

Margaret Jones