’17: "What do you think is more likely, me getting with an ’11 or a ’21?"
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’17: "What do you think is more likely, me getting with an ’11 or a ’21?"
If you’re a Dartmouth student, you’ve likely seen Juuls, the e-cigarettes that offer an alternative to smoking. Now, I don’t have a strong opinion on vaping as a whole, but I applaud anything that encourages people to quit using tobacco products. That said, cigarettes are pretty ingrained in our culture — just look at the number of iconic movie characters known for smoking. So, what with our current culture of alternative facts (and alternative social spaces), I decided to reimagine classic movie and television scenes. What if your favorite characters had Juuls?
Yikes! You looked at your iCal on Friday to check out the fun and exciting events offered this weekend by the College to try and distract yourself from the Frats™, and you were hit by two realizations: (1) it’s First-Year Family Weekend here at Dartmouth, and (2) your family is definitely not going to be here. Maybe they’re busy, maybe they just can’t get to our convenient location in the middle of the woods or maybe you just “forgot” to tell them about it — whatever the excuse is, it doesn’t really matter. All you know is that soon there will be hundreds of moms, dads, siblings, guardians, grandparents and potentially-your-aunt-because-that’s-what-you-call-her-but-you-don’t-actually-think-you’re-related running around campus, eager to experience the wholesome and pure lives their lil’ babies have created for themselves at college. But what will you possibly do this weekend sans family? Never fear, children, for I shall walk you through your potential options:
If you’ve stepped outside once in the last few weeks, you may have noticed the absurd number and size of tour groups. I did a little brainstorming and realized that the only memorable tour guides were the ones that could successfully roll with the punches of inappropriate parent questions or fellow students who wanted to spice up the experience of the tour goers as well as their tour guide classmate. These uncomfortable moments inspired a few ways to be purposefully problematic if you feel so inclined:
Everyone has that one quirk that comes out while drinking. Some people start singing, some people start speaking their truth, some people consistently start disrobing. Me? I start asking people to tell me their deepest, darkest secrets. To be fair, I do this sober all the time. It is, unfortunately, my go-to icebreaker. I guess it’s an ice breaker in the sense that the Titanic was an ice breaker — ya, maybe some ice is broken, but mostly it is a horrible disaster.
’17: "Who wore Prada to BG?"
I don’t know about you guys, but 17W's Dartmouth Idol was probably the highlight of my day/week/month/year/life not only because of the insane talent, but also because of a couple cuties who, I swear, were singing directly to me. The life changing experience prompted the thought: What other reality TV shows could potentially thrive at Dartmouth?
Are you more of a Webster Ave. person than an East Wheelock St. person? Does your heart skip a beat when you see mac n cheese bites? Create your Saturday night and we’ll guess what your major is.
College President Phil Hanlon lives a tough life. With his roles as a college administrator, prominent mathematician and side gig as an Alpha Delta legend in the flesh, our president has a lot on his plate. With President’s Day upon us, it’s time, we, as students, took some time out of our own lives to honor our dear leader. We cannot, of course, reach the levels of academic rigor that he espouses, nor can we achieve temperance of the sort he would like, but in his shadow we can grow to become the study beasts of PH77’s dreams.
With 17W coming to a close, many of us will (hopefully) be taking off for destinations where we can actually see the sun and, even better, expose parts of our bodies that we barely remember could be exposed to those warm rays. Underneath the layers of Canada Goose jackets and long underwear lives a person who once knew what it was like to be tan, skinnier and not sleep deprived. But alas, unless you're a gym rat, winter bodies don’t translate into year-round beach bodies. With only three weeks left in the term, you’re going to have to do a quick turnaround if you don’t want to scare people away with your paleness and obvious consumption of KAF baguettes when you hit the beach this year. Here are a few quick changes you can make to your everyday life to make sure you're Instagram and warm weather ready (read: any climate at or above 50 degrees).
’19: “Playing shrub is like playing Quidditch with only two hoops.”
It can be hard being a freshman. Just look at them: so innocent, so soft, so silly. And Dartmouth can be a big, confusing place. The ’20s seem to live in a constant state of “the look on Will Ferrell’s face when Buddy the Elf first gets to New York City in the classic Christmas film ‘Elf.’”
CS prof: "You said ‘Vertices A, J, I’ – I heard ‘Vertices B, J, I’ oops I have a mind of my own."
Puppies in sweaters. Enough said.
With applications piling in, Dartmouth students of all grades have been testing their luck and hoping that they’ll be able to escape Hanover and study abroad. Whether you're an eager ’20 or an upperclassman who has had this idea in mind for a while, leaving the U.S. (or just the state of New Hampshire) is as exciting as it gets.
Are you struggling to figure out what to order and holding up the KAF line that is already out the door and curling into Blobby? Here are some sure-fire orders for every and any given situation.
Winter can be a tough time for everyone – it’s questionably too cold to go out (but everyone does it anyways), definitely too cold to be productive and just cold enough that the ice sticks around and makes all of campus a hazard for treacherous falls. But don’t fret – there are so many ways to put your winter woes behind you and learn to truly ~thrive~ and not just survive 17W!
One has to wonder at the fortitude of winter’s merrymakers. From the depths of January, on evenings worn black by nights already eight hours old, you can observe something strange. Scurrying about Webster Avenue in the freezing cold are spectral lumps. These creatures mill over icy roads and through weather-biting winds, and a stench of beer incubates beneath their heavy winter layers to be released as a heady perfume upon arrival at some familiar destination … The cold air often invigorates these inebriates, and it is perhaps at this moment that one of the creatures recalls those now indelible lines from College President Phil Hanlon’s Moving Dartmouth Forward plan: “Our vision is for Dartmouth to be a place of around-the-clock learning.” The student grumbles, to no one in particular, “Around-the-clock what?” before continuing a jumbled march onward, unsure about what this sentence could mean in a world as cold and confusing as ours.
There are a lot of things to love about Dartmouth: Winter Carnival, chicken bobs from the HOP, and FFB, to name a few, but not much can compare to everyone’s favorite GPA-saver. That’s right, it’s your favorite day of the term — the deadline to NRO a class! What could be more exciting than the opportunity to avoid all consequences for your mistakes? In the spirit of today, I figured I’d share some tips on how to apply NROs to areas outside of your transcript … because we all know that a “C” isn’t the only thing you’d like to pretend never happened.
For freshmen experiencing their first New England winter or people who’ve spent most of their lives somewhere that isn’t the inside of a freezer, adjusting to the Hanover tundra can be challenging without the right equipment. However, contrary to popular belief, it is indeed possible to stay warm without blowing a thousand dollars on a Canada Goose jacket (all of which could be used to purchase approximately 80.1 large EBA’s single-topping pizzas). Here’s what you’ll really need to brave the cold: