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College President Phil Hanlon lives a tough life. With his roles as a college administrator, prominent mathematician and side gig as an Alpha Delta legend in the flesh, our president has a lot on his plate. With President’s Day upon us, it’s time, we, as students, took some time out of our own lives to honor our dear leader. We cannot, of course, reach the levels of academic rigor that he espouses, nor can we achieve temperance of the sort he would like, but in his shadow we can grow to become the study beasts of PH77’s dreams.
At Hogwarts, as at any school of magic or liberal arts college, people divide each other. Now, this may be good or ill — and if you’re in the latter camp, I suggest you get on your hippogriff and begin the proletarian revolution posthaste — but social organization remains a basic human practice.
It can be hard being a freshman. Just look at them: so innocent, so soft, so silly. And Dartmouth can be a big, confusing place. The ’20s seem to live in a constant state of “the look on Will Ferrell’s face when Buddy the Elf first gets to New York City in the classic Christmas film ‘Elf.’”
There is no question that we live in a modern world of lies and deception. Thus, I do not see it as a coincidence that my editors — those powers that be, per se, spewing “alternative facts” upon the good people — have asked me to write an article about “Dartmouth conspiracy theories.” Nay, I say. I will be strong. I shall not fall victim to their whims. And in protest, I will write instead a list of the greatest truths at Dartmouth, indisputable by those who are not blinded by the corruption that plagues this very campus.
Pump your brakes, ladies and gents, ‘cause Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief model is way out of date. No, I don’t mean for little things like “deaths in the family” or “fascist takeovers of society.” This new step-by-step guide is for real issues. Issues that hurt us all. You know of what I speak — it hangs like a pall of darkness above the campus. It hurts all, consumes all, destroys all. Of course, I am referring to the decision of Dartmouth Dining Services to do away with the free and independent napkin dispensers at each table in its establishments and replace them with centralized, collectivized napkin dispensers.
So you’re taking two classes this term. That’s okay: $23,158 doesn’t need to buy you three classes, does it?
Realizing suddenly that the American electoral system was broken beyond repair, representatives of many branches of government, all fifty states and both major parties elected to utilize a different system for electing the 45th president of the United States of America.
Economics 43.601: Market Realities of the French Prison System in the Mid-Nineteenth Century (x-list: Comparative Literature 97)
There’s a lot of tension in prison economics today, but nothing can ever come close to the feud between Jean Valjean and Javert.
Donald Trump has come to Dartmouth. He has come, and he will #MakeDartmouthGreatAgain. Dartbeat gained exclusive access to his Dartmouth-specific Twitter account, and you bet your ass we took screenshots:
Week nine in New York was shaped largely by “Hamilton” (2015) – the Broadway musical that you’ve heard of by now if you haven’t been living under a rock that has also crushed you into a paste – and was a major highlight of my off-term thus far.
Wandering into the Sinclairian jungle that is New York after a life in the rural reality of Yankee New England — a place where each house is still known by the names of families that moved away decades ago — can only be called a mammoth experience.
Submarines, in reality, aren’t very magical at all. They’re dark, depressing places. There’s a reason one of the most highly paid jobs in the Navy is submariner: no one really wants to do it.
Okay, so obviously there isn’t actually a new pope. That was a stupid joke combining my name with “hope.” This article has nothing to do with the Catholic Church, its leadership or any allegories written by Oxford dons lambasting its values and practices (Although did you hear they’re making a miniseries of the “His Dark Materials” trilogy?
As TV’s Alison Brie once bitingly said, "Well, well, well, Harvey Keitel." Entering my second month in the city, I find that I’m missing Hanover more and more.
That said, there’s a magic to the city, a way of being that is wholly separate and unique from rural life.
So I grew up in rural Vermont. Like, really rural. There were times (about monthly when it wasn’t winter) when our neighbors’ flock of sheep would stampede up our driveway, take over the front deck and not leave for hours.
College is a time when people's political views separate from those of their parents. They branch out, experiment with new ideologies and authors and eventually form ideas of their own.
On a gloomy Monday evening, we headed to FoCo to taste test the grossest looking foods being served that night.