The 7 Stages of Grief in Line at KAF
(10/23/18 6:26pm)
1. Shock & Denial
Latest Issue | February 15, 2019 | 27° F
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1. Shock & Denial
’17: “Yeah, I read an email today saying ‘Your Juul is on its way,’ and that’s how I found out I bought one last night.”’18: “Wait, what kind of jewel?”’17: ….
Find My Friends, aka the best app creation known to man, has steadily blossomed into a way for friends (and enemies) alike to track the every location, whereabouts and habits of anyone who you can get to share their location with you. Some people might be hesitant to join in the fun (is it creepy?), but let it be known that using Find My Friends is neither creepy nor invasive in any way. We've all had those desperate moments when we want food from Late Night but cannot bear to meander from the cozy comfort that is a dorm bed. No need to fear, though - hit up Find My Friends and extort that one softie you know will come through with Mac n' Cheese bites when you really need them. In addition to the classic food bearer, however, there are some other people you could really benefit from having on 24/7 location sharing - trust me:
I think I speak for everyone when I say, there’s at least one thing we all should have given up for Lent. Winter term is always a rough one, and spring term can bring about a marathon of questionable choices so we all give into our weaknesses at some point or another. However, now that Lent is over, spring is in full swing and midterms are upon us, you realize there’s always one luxury you could have gone without. Here are a few things that you should have given up for Lent based on your zodiac sign:
For a freshman entering college for the first time, the adjustment from high school can often feel overwhelming. There are so many new experiences that it can be difficult to balance classes, social life and extracurricular activities. Some might argue that figuring out your future should be your priority at Dartmouth, but I would say that an equally (if not more) important task is keeping up with the lingo. No one liked having to ask their cool trip leader what getting “golden tree’d” is, and so to help our incoming ’21s maintain the illusion of not being the worst class ever, here is a quick guide to the Dartmouth slang they might encounter at Dimensions and beyond.
Being extra is a way of life. It’s your own special way of living life to the fullest, the brightest, the most present way you can. Don’t ever let the haters get you down — you can never ever be too extra, and anyone who says you’re too much just isn’t enough. Always remember: If you’re not doing the most, you’re doing the least.
Student in Thayer: “I’ll just move to the Bay Area, find myself a bro-grammer and be a trophy wife.”
Need some songs that truly encompass what everyday life is like here on Dartmouth College Campus? We've got you covered for every moment, from your morning coffee run to your spontaneous evening plans.
’19: “JINX! You owe me a KAF!”
With 17W coming to a close, many of us will (hopefully) be taking off for destinations where we can actually see the sun and, even better, expose parts of our bodies that we barely remember could be exposed to those warm rays. Underneath the layers of Canada Goose jackets and long underwear lives a person who once knew what it was like to be tan, skinnier and not sleep deprived. But alas, unless you're a gym rat, winter bodies don’t translate into year-round beach bodies. With only three weeks left in the term, you’re going to have to do a quick turnaround if you don’t want to scare people away with your paleness and obvious consumption of KAF baguettes when you hit the beach this year. Here are a few quick changes you can make to your everyday life to make sure you're Instagram and warm weather ready (read: any climate at or above 50 degrees).
It can be hard being a freshman. Just look at them: so innocent, so soft, so silly. And Dartmouth can be a big, confusing place. The ’20s seem to live in a constant state of “the look on Will Ferrell’s face when Buddy the Elf first gets to New York City in the classic Christmas film ‘Elf.’”
Everyone has their preferred study spots in the library, some more productive than others. However, Dartmouth students are often quick to label First Floor Berry as the most facetimey (and least productive) place in the library. However, this is not necessarily true! FFB is actually a very diverse ecosystem filled with a variation of facetimey-ness and productivity, ranging from the physics majors who scribble indiscernible thoughts on the walls of the group study rooms to the kids who “study” right outside of KAF, waving to every single person who passes by. For your convenience, we have taken the responsibility upon ourselves to educate the masses by mapping the real dynamics of FFB and beyond in “Dartbeat’s Declassified School Survival Guide.”
Recently inspired by Donald Trump’s use of ~alternative facts~, Dartbeat has compiled a list of alternative facts at Dartmouth. These are totally true, not at all false and completely factual statements about our magical life in warm, sunny Hanover. #fact
Is there something you can’t find at Dartmouth that you wish you could have? Ever thought about taking BorrowDirect for a spin to fulfill some of the many voids in your life?
Planning where you want to grab your next meal can often be an ordeal, especially when you start estimating the concentration of people at certain times during the day. Add to the fact that, yes, you are actually trying to follow through with your lunch plans, and the chaotic lines can make you want to back out of your meal date and crawl into your bed with a tender bob. Luckily, DDS offers endless a few good selections, and each place has its own specialties that keep us coming back for more, whether it’s mac ‘n cheese bites, facetimey-ness or conveniently late hours. It’s easy to decide when you’re with friends, but what if your relationship is a little more ambiguous? Here’s a brief overview of your options to navigate those romantic nuances and finally get to the bottom of what a Foco lunch ~really~ means:
Are you struggling to figure out what to order and holding up the KAF line that is already out the door and curling into Blobby? Here are some sure-fire orders for every and any given situation.