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20 Turning 20: The Playlist Phi Delts Didn’t Know They Needed

(01/17/17 3:32am)

Most rules exist for a reason, but there are the golden few that make absolutely no sense. Many frats adhere to strict policies that students don’t understand, and Phi Delt’s mission to only broadcast music that’s more than 20 years old is no exception. It’s assumed that past brothers of Phi Delt don’t exactly want to hear “Beez in the Trap” when they come back to campus on a nostalgic wave, thus alums have enforced this rigid code. Since I live in the Choates, listening to whatever they choose to play outside during the warmer months is something that I am subjected to against my will. Don’t get me wrong, “You Make My Dreams” is a huge bop and anyone who doesn’t have an internal dance party is lying to you.

8 Stages of Coping With the Loss of Napkin Containers

(01/12/17 6:39pm)

Pump your brakes, ladies and gents, ‘cause Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief model is way out of date. No, I don’t mean for little things like “deaths in the family” or “fascist takeovers of society.” This new step-by-step guide is for real issues. Issues that hurt us all. You know of what I speak — it hangs like a pall of darkness above the campus. It hurts all, consumes all, destroys all. Of course, I am referring to the decision of Dartmouth Dining Services to do away with the free and independent napkin dispensers at each table in its establishments and replace them with centralized, collectivized napkin dispensers.

How to Actually Get in Shape This Year

(01/12/17 3:00pm)

After that last slurp of eggnog, you probably told yourself that this year was going to be different – that you were going to keep your New Year’s resolution (that’s four years running) of finally getting in shape. But it’s a week into the term and you’ve probably already started to deviate from that rigid training schedule you set for yourself. To be fair, walking to the gym in subzero temperatures when you have a bunch of other stuff on your mind is probably one of the last things anyone wants to do. But I’m here to give you a few tips on how to get back on track because trust me, it will all be worth it.

Winter Gear Guide

(01/10/17 9:46pm)

For freshmen experiencing their first New England winter or people who’ve spent most of their lives somewhere that isn’t the inside of a freezer, adjusting to the Hanover tundra can be challenging without the right equipment. However, contrary to popular belief, it is indeed possible to stay warm without blowing a thousand dollars on a Canada Goose jacket (all of which could be used to purchase approximately 80.1 large EBA’s single-topping pizzas). Here’s what you’ll really need to brave the cold:   

Song Analysis: “Hanover Girls” by the NH Love Song Warriors

(11/12/16 6:04pm)

When I found this song, it had 3 views on YouTube, and I have probably (unashamedly) contributed more than half of the current views it now has. It was written by the NH Love Song Warriors, a group that sings of the lovely ladies of Hanover, as well as the women of various New Hampshire and Massachusetts towns and cities.

The Most Comprehensive Instant Noodle Review

(11/04/16 3:55pm)

With midterms coming up you may find yourself short on time, meaning that treks to FoCo, Collis or even into town for food may become few and far between. Just how will you manage to spend your endless meal swipes (’20s), or your quickly-declining DBA (everybody else) in the most efficient way possible? With the ultimate college solution: instant noodles.

How to Cope with the End of the Term

(11/04/16 3:27pm)

Life may feel like it’s lost all meaning now that Homecoming and Halloween have come and gone. What are you supposed to do now that you’ve completed the quest for the perfect Halloween costume? Start studying for finals? Yeah, right. As the days start getting shorter and air starts feeling chillier, it’s important to stay positive and feel prepared to face the last couple weeks of the term. Check out this list of ways to cope with everyone’s favorite time of year: the end of the term.

What You Googled This Week: Frat Ban Edition

(11/04/16 2:40pm)

If you’re a ’20, odds are the extent of your Dartmouth social experience has been bopping around from dorm party to dorm party scrounging for alcohol. Then, of course, there’s the Heorot highlighter party and Pop Punk if you were lucky enough to get in, or the North Park/South House dance party if you were truly desperate. Bright-eyed, not-jaded and with a whole new social scene opening up to you, you’re probably overwhelmed with questions: 

Texts From Last Night: Homecoming 2016 Edition

(10/31/16 3:30pm)

Dear old Dartmouth, set a watch, lest the old traditions fail. What is a more time-honored tradition than opening up your phone over Homecoming and jamming your fingers into the keyboard for long enough to send out the poetry that is a drunk text message? Another tradition: Dartbeat reminding you that a hangover is temporary, but drunk texts are forever. Here are your best texts from last night from this Homecoming: