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(08/22/00 9:00am)
The end of the summer is upon Hanover. I say this because yesterday I witnessed a pair of students, upon exiting class, immediately burn each other for heat. So what better time to tell everyone all about the number one highlight of my summer? So many words can be used to describe it. It was recent, yet death-defying. It was Six, yet Flags. It was amusement, yet in a park. Stumped? I am referring to my recent death-defying trip to Six Flags Amusement Park.
(02/23/00 11:00am)
If there were one thing I could say I've learned recently, it would be that one really has to watch what one says around fish. (Although I wouldn't say this around fish, naturally.)
(02/11/00 11:00am)
This weekend, Upper Valley residents (total: 8) are offered a chance to take part in the fun-filled 3.5 day extravaganza known as "Dartmouth Winter Carnival." In case you haven't heard, Winter Carnival is a festive and highly regarded tradition, named in honor of its founder, "some guy."
(02/09/00 11:00am)
If you think children are decent human beings, then you haven't ridden Amtrak lately.
(02/02/00 11:00am)
If you are the type of person who has been waiting your entire life to see a 300-pound schizophrenic man from Chicago break into the rock music scene, how sad is that?
(01/26/00 11:00am)
As many of you have undoubtedly noticed, there are a lot of alarming facts in the world lately. Alarming fact number ONE is that, according to my film professor, movies used to not have any sound. Alarming fact number TWO is that they used to not have any color either, but since I can probably make more jokes about sound, I have carefully decided that alarming fact number ONE is way more alarming.
(11/24/99 11:00am)
When I was back in the fifth grade my father tried to take up some of my interests so that we could be more "in tune." Unfortunately, we ended up about as in tune as a piano. (One that has been beaten severely with another, larger piano before being played by noted musician Evander Holyfield.) There was one thing, however, that my father actually took a liking to: cheese. But since I am not wholly prepared to write a column about that, not this close to Thanksgiving by God, instead I will talk about how he and I used to play video games.
(11/17/99 11:00am)
The vast differences that exist between the sexes have always been well documented. Unfortunately, most of these documents have been lost, because they have been left under the care of men. History has proven that it is a very bad idea to leave anything important under the care of men, including money and children. On the other hand, as long as an item has remotely to do with sports, a man is constitutionally obliged to view it as the single most important and useful item ever created, since himself.
(11/10/99 11:00am)
I would like to take this paragraph to publicly announce that I am now officially 100 percent absolutely positively without a doubt strongly considering not ordering quite as much from J. Crew, unless they happen to be having a good clearance sale.
(11/03/99 11:00am)
Last week, at around this exact time (Wednesday), students, faculty and townspeople alike all got to witness a very rare and special event. An event so rare and special, that it could only occur once every four years, at the most. That's right -- there was a CNN trailer in Hanover!
(10/27/99 9:00am)
Everyone has probably heard a capella music. Not that a lot of them ever really asked to, when you think about it. Perhaps they were at college at one point in their respective lives. Or maybe they were at a rock concert, and a big bolt of lightning hit the stage, causing the amplifier to explode, causing everyone's instruments to explode, but the concert performers didn't notice and just kept on performing as if nothing had happened.
(10/20/99 9:00am)
Since it seems like everyone on Earth, and even other planets, in fact the whole entire universe when it comes right down to it, is extremely concerned with the upcoming Trustees' Social Initiative, I figure it is only my duty to use this valuable space in our campus newspaper to talk about "The Matrix".
(10/13/99 9:00am)
I find it only my duty to inform the American General Public that I have not been feeling well lately. Because then perhaps the American General Public will spring into action and, as it has been known to do during times of great crisis, bring me heaping mounds of chicken soup.
(10/06/99 9:00am)
Sometimes I really feel like I am still an adolescent, and not just because I routinely show the maturity level of fabric softener. There are other reasons. For instance, I swore a while back that I would absolutely never, under any circumstances, ever, purchase another video game, ever. Boy, did this quickly prove to be a lie. (I was six.)
(09/29/99 9:00am)
I don't mean to needlessly alarm the general public, but I am strongly convinced that having a job is an extremely hazardous profession that, for everyone's safety, should probably be against the law.
(09/21/99 9:00am)
It is time once again for the latest installment of "Eric Talks About Important Cultural Centers of the World," which is a title that should signal to everyone that I will be talking about New York. (If I desired to talk about, say, France, I would instead use a title like "Do Not Read This, It Will Be Boring and About France.")
(05/28/99 9:00am)
Well everyone, it has been four years already. Can you believe it? Who would have imagined. Four long years. Four long, incredible years since they cancelled TV's Growing Pains. Or maybe it has been thirteen long, incredible years. I'm not exactly sure. I stopped keeping track around 1986.
(05/18/99 9:00am)
A friend recently told me that 75 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. I, in response, employing many valuable statistics of my own, called her a big stupid liar. She then changed her answer to 72 percent, and we both agreed that this was much more believable.
(05/14/99 9:00am)
Maybe I'm a little crazy, but I feel terrible excitement in the air this weekend. After all, the Green Key is finally here! Upon hearing this terribly exciting news regarding the arrival of the Green Key, you are probably thinking one of the following things:
(04/29/99 9:00am)
The springtime is finally here! Which means that there is no better time than the present to go out and get a dog. That's right! There are thousands of undeniable and compelling reasons why everyone should run out and acquire some canine companionship right this minute, most notably the following: The springtime is finally here! And going to the pet store gives you a good excuse to also go to the liquor store for me.