As many of you have undoubtedly noticed, there are a lot of alarming facts in the world lately. Alarming fact number ONE is that, according to my film professor, movies used to not have any sound. Alarming fact number TWO is that they used to not have any color either, but since I can probably make more jokes about sound, I have carefully decided that alarming fact number ONE is way more alarming.
Now, I do not speak for everyone, because I do not have loud enough megaphone, but in this day and age ("Wednesday", and "22") it seems difficult to fathom that movies should ever have been without dialogue. Most of us see films starring the John Travoltas, the Gwyneth Paltrows and the Howards the Ducks, and what do we do? We take them all for Cary Granted! Well, fear no longer, because I as a shrewd historian have done my fair share of imagining, and (ha on us!) have unearthed shocking truths about that little-heralded yet fascinating initial era in major motion picture development: The Blank Screen With Nothing Going On Era. Fortunately, we will quickly skip past this era, and discuss: The Silent Era.
Silent films, historically, have been absolutely vital to the economy. Most notably, that part of the economy which deals in films that a) have no words and b) are very difficult to watch for people who are not, legally, dead. According to experts, however, Hollywood's Silent Era gave us many wondrous things, and after several attempts to return them (the experts), we finally agreed to keep a lot of them. These include Mack Sennett, who utilized his Respected Comic Genius to produce hundreds of "Keystone Kops" movies. The standard Respected and Comic plot line would usually involve a bunch of police officers--follow me here--running around in a Respected and Comic fashion, until all of them spontaneously fall down, possibly after hearing how their occupation is spelled.
Now if you are anything like me, when you witness Kops running amok (literal translation: "less than two mucks") all over the place, your reaction, quite naturally, is to take as much dog food as you can carry. Am I right? Come on, nobody's looking! But the odd thing was, when audiences saw these Kops falling, they (the audiences) all broke out in hysterical fits of laughter. The Kops did not laugh. Judging by what is on film, the Kops had the collective IQ of cheese spread.
Comedians by the bushel soon realized that they didn't have to SAY anything, but could earn tidy livings by falling down in the public eye for HUGE laughs! (A method adopted and perfected decades later by Tonya Harding). One comic personality in particular captivated the American Public's attention near the turn of the century: his name was Dwight Eisenhower. Also, I am lying. His name was Charlie Chaplin. A one-time Keystone star, Chaplin possessed something intangible that set him apart, that raised him above, that put him light years ahead of his fellow Kops. Namely, Chaplin could fall down in a hat and trousers.
Historians note that, because of this remarkable talent, Chaplin had a certain air about him. "The Little Tramp," as his peers called him (or "The Medium-Sized Mutton Chop," as nobody called him) was arrogant, but he produced results. He was silent, yet filmed. The air about him was certain, yet about him, yet an air. Midway through his career, Chaplin signed a lucrative contract with First National Films that paid him, annually, what today can only be referred to as "a salary." Such was The Tramp's unmatched industry worth! Chaplin's vision was so far-reaching that during his lifetime he personally wrote and directed over forty feature-length pictures, all before movies had even been invented yet. "What are we going to do with those?" people asked him. "It's just a bunch of shots of you (in a hat and trousers) falling down."
The films, with such memorable titles as "Charlie Chaplin Falls Down In a Hat", "Charlie Chaplin Falls Down In Trousers" and "Look Out Below! Here Come Chaplin And His Garments", were highly successful and Critically Acclaimed, largely because in 1920, the title of "critic" was given to any individual who could sit through an entire film without the assistance of paralyzing gases.
It is argued, after long afternoons of drinking, that the lack of spoken dialogue adds extra-special intrigue and emotion to silent films. View, for example, the following poignant and romantic exchange from "City Lights" between the lowly protagonist, played by Chaplin, and beautiful flower girl, played by It Doesn't Matter (pay special attention to facial expression):
Flower Girl: <......>.
Chaplin: .
Looking at this, it is no wonder that after sound hit Hollywood, forcing Hollywood to spend several months recovering in a nearby hospital, the great director Chaplin resisted massive changes until the day he realized that he could, in actuality, play smashing and dynamic speaking roles like Adolf Hitler.
In conclusion, sound is definitely very good. But the more I look at things, the more I believe that silence may be golden. Even the simplest things can make people laugh. Now, if you'll excuse me, my dog is hungry and I think I just saw some Kops racing down the street.
