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“Mr. Brightside” is unquestionably the best song to shout-sing in fraternity basements, the Russell Sage rage cage (#rip) or pretty much anywhere else. Dartbeat decided to see what happened if we combined Dartmouth’s favorite 2004 chart-topper with Dartmouth’s favorite pastime. Pop Punk 16F, here we come.
Week two is upon us, and you’re already so done with school. You wish you could go back to the simpler time of DOC First Year Trips, a time when it was socially acceptable to eat multiple blocks of Cabot cheese and not shower for five consecutive days. If you relate to this nostalgia on a spiritual level, Dartbeat has just what you need: your guide to reliving Trips on campus.Sunrike all six floors of the stacks
Maya Poddar ’17:Who are all these kids Wait, when do classes begin? I feel old as hell
Well, I’m finally a Dartmouth senior, and my younger brother is finally a freshman (at Princeton though, ew). Talking to him made me realize just how much a person can change during their first three years of college. Leading up to his first day, he claimed that he would never drink coffee. I naively said the same when I entered my freshman year—but then I discovered KAF. Here’s my take on just how different freshmen and seniors really are.
Heat. You know it’s hot when the sun is out but the Collis patio is deserted.
’18 #1 in Astro: “You look like you’re about to boot.” ’18 #2: “Yeah but I took a Sudafed.”
As a ’17 on for this summer term, I’m affectionately referred to as my sorority’s resident SWUG (senior washed up girl). When (and if) I arrive at tails, people look at me with a mixture of excitement and pity. They pat me on the back and say they’re happy to see me, but then turn to continue socializing with their new friends. Meanwhile, I make a beeline for the drinks table, around which I continue to hover for most of the night.
Masters. The big weekend has finally arrived…
’18: “They have adult milkshakes and nice Jewish boys. My two favorite things!!!”
Like the millennials we are, we often turn to Google instead of people in times of need. Our Google search history can always be a little disconcerting, but it’s particularly distinctive over sophomore summer – when else will we be looking up the toxicity of copper mines or wondering how to make homemade mac and cheese bites? Nonetheless, there’s no shame in asking Google silly questions – that’s what it’s there for. Here are ten potential topics you’ve Googled this summer:
Grab your pitchforks and come on down to our warm and exotic location, situated at the mouth of the River Styx, and work for the head honcho himself—Satan! At this competitive internship, you will work with millions of clients buying and selling souls. What could be more valuable? Special guests will eventually include such celebrities as Jordan Belfort and Bernie Madoff. Note: Creativity is a must. Customer service skills not necessary.
Semi season is upon us, which means it’s time to break out the flair. Or at the very least, it means searching through your giant flair box, which is of course full of everything except what you actually need (hence why you're desperately writing out toGroupMe asking friends for help). But if you want to save yourself a trip to Party City, here are a few ideas for semi themes that are fun, easy and super doable:
’18: “Getting the money from suing someone would be nice, but there would just be too much paperwork for it to really be worth it.”
Crossing the X: Last night you were a hero, today you are a zero. Swugdom is only a state of mind.
1.1. David Newlove, the head of Dartmouth Dining Services, came to me in a dream and said unto me, “Let there be few dining options for 16X.” And it was so.
Amidst pulling all-nighters studying for exams, working multiple jobs to pay for college and giving up our childhood dreams of becoming an astronaut or professional athlete to major in Econ, it’s easy for us to forget what it’s all for. We’re at a premier Ivy League institution, struggling to find something worthwhile to do with our lives to rationalize paying over $60,000 a year in tuition. We want to lead successful lives, provide comfortable living situations for our families and pursue fulfilling careers.
So you’re taking two classes this term. That’s okay: $23,158 doesn’t need to buy you three classes, does it? It’s not like you’re wasting $7,719 of your (well, your parents') money! Those two huge layups are just as reasonable an expense as any other course could ever be. Plus, it’s sophomore summer and you’ve got better things to do with all that extra time. You’ve got an extra 195 to 220 minutes per week, and you’ve got to spend them on some absolutely fantastic activities, things that really improve your education. You wouldn’t want to waste a term at Dartmouth, after all.
Realizing suddenly that the American electoral system was broken beyond repair, representatives of many branches of government, all fifty states and both major parties elected to utilize a different system for electing the 45th president of the United States of America. While it pained Dartbeat to learn early yesterday morning that the traditional Masters tournament would be cancelled this summer, our sadness was quickly assuaged when we learned why: the presidential candidates already held their own championship on Dartmouth’s campus this summer term.
At the start of every term, naïvely optimistic Dartmouth students throwimpressive but far-fetched ideas onto a rough “to-do list” with their friends, saying to themselves, “This time, we’ll complete the list.” But let’s be honest, does that ever actually happen? No, because before you realize it, it’s week nine and you’re drowning in midterms (yes, even during week nine) and gearing up for finals, not to mention plunging deeper into the sinkhole of negative DBA. But if there’s one term to complete a bucket list, it’s sophomore summer – supposedly the most fun term of our college careers.
