25 Things You Should Name After Yourself When You Become a Wealthy Donor

By Tarika Narain | 7/9/16 11:37am

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Amidst pulling all-nighters studying for exams, working multiple jobs to pay for college and giving up our childhood dreams of becoming an astronaut or professional athlete to major in Econ, it’s easy for us to forget what it’s all for. We’re at a premier Ivy League institution, struggling to find something worthwhile to do with our lives to rationalize paying over $60,000 a year in tuition. We want to lead successful lives, provide comfortable living situations for our families and pursue fulfilling careers.

If you’re already at this point in life — or if you’re going through corporate recruiting so that you can beina few years — you may be at a loss for ideas of what places and things tograce with your name. Never fear, though, for Dartbeat has a few (totally legit) ideas:

  1. The chicken tender queso at the Hop
  2. The cookie section at Foco
  3. One (or all) of the Dartmouth Seven
  4. The abandoned Alpha Delta physical plant
  5. Phil Hanlon’s mustache
  6. The new Moosilauke Ravine Lodge
  7. Baker Lobby or FFB
  8. The crosswalk on Main Street
  9. GreenPrint (also please fix it)
  10. Collis Steve
  11. Frat row
  12. The Sun God’s car
  13. The copper mines/ledges
  14. The sad Novack vending machine
  15. The KAF line
  16. Late Night Collis
  17. The Geography Department (only one in the Ivy League!)
  18. Your favorite elliptical at the gym
  19. Any of the new housing communities
  20. The TDX basement stairs you fell down once (or many times)
  21. The D
  22. Dick’s House
  23. Dick’s House vending machine
  24. S&S bike patrol
  25. Your freshman dorm

Tarika Narain