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What Your Laptop Stickers Say About You

(10/06/15 10:52am)

On any given tour through FFB, you’ll likely notice a unique collection of colorful laptops and water bottles sitting on the desks of the hard-working undergrads (but since this is FFB, are they working hard or hardly working?). By now any Dartmouth undergrad has probably seen most of the following stickers, but the question remains: what do they really say about the person they belong to?

Sorority Rush: The Internal Monologue

(10/01/15 9:52am)

It’s a common misconception that Halloween is the ~scariest~ part of October. Those of us who have been through sorority recruitment know better. In a lot of ways, the two are quite similar: the costumes, the decorations, the traveling door-to-door to houses with alarming screams and/or chants emanating from within. The only difference is that instead of candy, you get your questions like “What’s your major?” or “Where are you from?” or — if you’re lucky — “Spaghetti arms or spaghetti legs?”

The Creepiest Places on Campus

(09/30/15 10:32am)

Choates study rooms Choates study rooms, located on the basement level of each building, contain hard wooden chairs, exposed pipes and zero windows. This may seem fine, but look closely at the walls — the Bissell study room features some extremely creepy art. There are black-and white photos of an old carousel horse, a black cat and a masked man staring directly at the camera. The study rooms strike a perfect balance between mental-asylum-aesthetic and horror-movie-chic, if you’re into that.

Dartbeat Asks: Things I Wish I Knew as a Freshman

(09/23/15 7:55am)

’19s, we know that plunging so suddenly into everything that is Dartmouth can be overwhelming. Hopefully you’re loving life as you rush from Collis’ stir-fry line to a spikeball game on the Green, to club tennis practice, to the Tower Room, to dinner at FoCo, and then finally back to your dorm where you “do homework” by chatting with your floormates until 4 a.m. To help you navigate your way through the craziness of freshman year, Dartbeat checked with some ’18s — who most recently took the daunting everything-Dartmouth plunge — about things they wish they knew last year as freshman. Keep these tips in mind as you start to make Dartmouth home. “I wish I knew that it’s okay to not go out three times a week, every week. I wouldn’t have missed anything, and I definitely could’ve used the extra sleep. I also regret not applying to a DOC winter break trip!” —Dru Falco ’18

Trips We Wish Existed

(09/22/15 4:09pm)

 Wilderness Pong I For the true beginner, this version of pong – played on wide, fresh-hewn oaken tables in the Second College Grant – teaches only the basics of Dartmouth’s distinctive version of pong. It’s not for experts, and trip leaders need to go easy on the poor freshmen, but ultimately these students will come back to the Moosilauke Ravine Lodge with a firm grasp of the essentials of pong. That said, they’ll be just as mercilessly mocked as the students who took Hiking I. 
 Wilderness Pong II This is a real conundrum — it’s a massive level up from Wilderness Pong I, but still not hard enough for students who take Wilderness Pong III. Trippees will scale a medium-sized mountain, saw down trees, erect a pong table of exactingly applied dimensions and proceed to play the sport of (drunk) kings as the wind rustles their faces upon the hillside. 
 Wilderness Pong III For the true expert in Wilderness Pong, this trip section – offered only rarely, as few freshmen are qualified – involves a strenuous hike up Mount Washington in the dead of night, followed by the sawing down of numerous trees, the construction of an exact replica of a Dartmouth fraternity or sorority — a different house each year — and the casting in gold of the One Pong Table to rule them all. After engaging in a full week of strenuous, back-breaking pong, the freshmen of Wilderness Pong III and their trip leaders will descend from the peak of Mount Washington and hike all the way to the Moosilauke Ravine Lodge, where they will proceed to play pong across the backs of other freshmen while onlookers dance the Salty Dog Rag. 
 Beat Boxing While this trip is actually held in Spaulding Auditorium and involves absolutely no wilderness component, it is a valuable skill that will help to train the future supporting members of Dartmouth’s a cappella groups – and also the really irritating people at dorm parties. 
 Sun God-ing In this trip, first-year students design, build and decorate a set of outdated cars in accordance with a Dartmouth-specific theme. Next, they will outfit them with ridiculously high-powered speakers and drive around northern New England playing music, film soundtracks and political commentary at high volume.

Attention 19s: 8 Dining Hall Rules No One Told You

(09/22/15 8:49am)

It’s okay to save seats and claim tables, but what you use as your placeholder matters. Your ID, backpack and coat are acceptable options. Clustering the napkins and salt and pepper shakers to the center of the table does not constitute a table saved. You have 0.053 seconds to place your order at Novack before all hell breaks loose. In other words, order at the rate of this dodgeball or prepare to be hit in the face with the words “WHO’S NEXT!?” You can check the FoCo menu online, so you really can’t complain if the food isn’t good that day. But you also can’t ever let anyone know that you actually check the FoCo menu. You shouldn’t be eating lunch or dinner at Novack before midterms begin. If you are…you need to love yourself. KAF is not part of DDS. You can use DBA, but you cannot use a meal swipe there. Learn this now before you learn it the hard way. You can get creative and order off the menu at the HOP. If you listen to the orders before and after yours, you’ll end up hearing some pretty unique food combinations. You may be dubious whether they’re actually good, but many have become tried and true student favorites. Not putting your silverware in the bin at Foco just makes you a bad person. It’s like worse than not recycling. No matter where you are, you will have to wait your turn in line. All attempts at cutting corners and putting yourself ahead will just backfire.

Internal Monologue of a Freshman on Day One

(09/17/15 8:06am)

Remember when you were a wide-eyed, bushy-tailed first-year student? Back then you still thought trippees were forever and FoCo cookies were a godsend (just kidding, that second one is still true). For all you ’19s out there, we know how you feel, even if we pretend that we were way cooler and always had the hang of this college thing. If this sounds anything like your morning yesterday (or today — we'll cut you some slack), just know that about 99.99% of the freshman class probably feels the exact same. 8:01 a.m.:OH MY GOD!! I overslept my alarm by 16 minutes! Was my roommate right telling me not to take a 9L?? Look at her…still peacefully asleep until she has to wake up for her 12…ugh. 8:03:No, I was right. My friends that are still in high school are already halfway through first period, and I just got out of bed. I’ll be okay. 8:15:I definitely don’t have time to make my bed. Or put on a decently presentable outfit. This sweatshirt and pajama pants will do, right? Dartmouth students are supposed to dress casually anyway… Wow, look at me, off to my first college class at an Ivy League. Go me! 8:16:I spoke too soon. The floormate I hooked up with the first night is heading for the same staircase as me…he just looked back and waved…oh my god he stopped so I could walk with him…I can’t handle this awkwardness. Not to mention, he’s way less attractive than I thought. Also… is that a Trump 2016 sticker on his backpack?? And did he just mispronounce my name??! Unforgiveable! 8:18:New rule: no more floorcest.And maybe no more drinking….(just kidding). 8:19:I don’t have time to walk all the way to FoCo. I’ll try out that place in the library, Novak or however you spell it.Someone told me the workers are really friendly and they have amazing coffee! 8:20:This line is too long. I’m going to try that place my trip leader told me about – “caf”? Must stand for cafeteria. What a strange name. 8:23:This line is long too but whatever, I need food. Also, I guess this place is called KAF, short for King Arthur Flour…? That’s an even weirder name than “caf”… 8:29: Why did the woman roll her eyes when I asked if they take meal swipes??? 8:31:Oh my god. This croissant is incredible. How much DBA do I have again? 8:34:I should probably start heading to class…I want to make a good impression on the first day. Time to consult my campus map. 8:37:The Life Science Center looks kind of far… 8:42:How much further is this place?? Will it look awkward if I start speed walking? 8:45:CAN’T…BREATHE…NEED…TO…GET…BIKE… 8:47:Okay, I’ll try to make as casual an entrance as possible. I’m only two minutes late. Someone told me my Writing 5 class would be pretty small but I bet everyone else was late too…if only my face weren’t so flushed from running… 8:48:Um, everyone elseishere….and the professor already started her PowerPoint. This is awkward. And where do I sit?? Okay, I’ll just say I’m sorry and avert eye contact… 8:49:There was homework posted on Canvas last night??? 8:50 AM:People are taking out their laptops….is that allowed?! Aren’t they going to get detention? 8:58:This class seems pretty good so far…wait, what does the syllabus say? WE HAVE A PAPER DUE IN TWO DAYS?! 9:00:Well, at least my professor and classmates seem nice. 9:02:Oh no – not another icebreaker. I can’t. 9:03:The guy next to me is from New Zealand and has an awesome accent. Maybe this class will be enjoyable after all. 9:06:Wait, what do I do if I have to go to the bathroom? Do I raise my hand? But that feels like I’m in kindergarten…I guess I’ll just wait. 9:10:Okay, I’m ready to go back to bed. 9:17:Does the professor notice me dozing off? 9:25:I can’t fall asleep in my first college class. When will my large coffee kick in?? 9:28:We still haveTWENTY-TWO more minutes??! This is agony! 9:35:I’m never taking a 9L again. 9:40:My professor let us out early. God bless her. I can’t wait to get back in bed…I still have almost three hours before my 12. College is amazing. 9:47:And…my roommate is still asleep. Unbelievable. Here’s hoping I have better luck in my 12…

The Man, The Myth, The Sun God

(09/16/15 11:26am)

I’m a firm believer in the idea that if you talk to even the most normal-seeming person for long enough, you’ll discover that they’re a total weirdo. The great thing about Johnathan James Recor, better known to Hanover residents as the Sun God, is that he cuts right to the chase. The car he drives around and the music he plays is an extension of his personality, and as I learned first hand driving around with him at the end of term last spring, he’s weird in a way that makes him more human, not less.

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