50 Things to Do at the Hanover Stoplight

By Julia Vallone | 10/2/15 10:14am

1. Chat with friends.
2. Twiddle your thumbs.
3. Twiddle someone else’s thumbs.
4. Just kidding that’s probably illegal.
5. Meditate.
6. Watch for dogs.
7. Steal the dogs.
8. Just kidding that’s also probably illegal… But potentially worth the risk. Exercise judgment.

9. Bond with strangers by complaining about the delay.
10. Count the pumpkin spice lattes exiting Dirt Cowboy.
11. Cry.
12. Glare at jaywalkers.
13. Reread all of this year’s Dartbeat posts #ShamelessSelfPromotion
14. Memorize “War and Peace.”
15. Synthesize a topographic map of Hanover.
16. Write your senior thesis.
17. Carbon date the nearest tree.
18. Or the nearest professor.
19. Whichever works.

20. Create a stoplight awareness group.
21. Give birth. Extra points if you are a male.
22. Create a functional sundial.
23. Plant crops in the nearest flower box, harvest said crops, arrange for an airdrop to Nicaragua.
24. Do a comprehensive full body workout.
25. Learn how to French braid. Cornrow your hair and the hair of all the people and/or animals around you.
26. Assert your dominance by… never mind, that’s YikYak’s territory.
27. Start/finish your autobiography.
28. Design the iPhone 7+, hold a séance to summon Steve Jobs, gain his approval, release product into the market, become an international tech mogul.

29. Master Kung-Fu.
30. Translate an ancient Sumerian prophecy.
31. Create your own Netflix original series.
32. Read the Merriam-Webster Dictionary (aardvark to zyzzogeton).
33. Create a new language, submit a syllabus to the Dartmouth Language Department, train Drill instructors, license the program to other universities, buy a house, get a dog, have 2.5 kids, retire.
34. Design a stoplight-inspired fashion line.

35. Whittle a furniture set.
36. Learn to play three instruments simultaneously, create a one-man/woman marching band and collect tips from the citizens of Hanover.
37. Set the town on fire.
38. Metaphorically speaking of course.
39. Get a degree from Cornell by… just kidding, that’s also YikYak’s territory.
40. Artfully compose a response to that email your professor spent two minutes writing. Extra points if it appears in Gnomic Verse — see excerpts from The Exeter Book.
41. Make awkward eye contact.

42. Filler activity
43. Spend time interpreting #42 as something other than overt authorial laziness.
44. Discretely tip over any precariously perched nearby bikers.
45. Build a man bridge. Climb over the Hanover Stoplight.
46. Or dig a tunnel. To each his own.
47. Found a primitive religion in praise of the Walk vs. Do Not Walk sign.
48. TOUCH THE FIRE ’19s!!!!
49. Was that out of context? Sorry.
50. But most importantly, just be you! #College

Julia Vallone