20 Alternatives to "Netflix and Chill?"

By Tarika Narain | 10/6/15 4:35am

The phrase “Netflix and chill” has spread across campus faster than even the freshman plague. It’s seemingly innocuous and the perfect amount of noncommittal.

“Come over, and we can binge watch ‘Gilmore Girls’ while leaning against my super-soft pillows in my tiny twin XL bed. Maybe I’ll put my arm around you during the theme song. Isn’t this, like, so chill? We’re totally just friends. Unless you want to kiss my face during one of those classic mother-daughter scenes. ‘Where you lead / I will follow.’ I’m down for whatever, ‘cause I’m chill.”
I, for one, yearn for the time when people were straightforward about their intentions. Gone are the days of late-night booty calls and poetic pick-up lines like “U up?” or “Skype sex?” We’re all stuck in a limbo of relationship ambiguity, and the more we “Netflix and chill,” the worse it gets.

So I took to our super exclusive Dartbeat GroupMe and asked my colleagues to propose a few more candid, personalized alternatives to “Netflix and chill.” For one night, the GroupMe was more lit than Late Night Collis on a big weekend. For the sake of your sanity, I’ve sorted through the suggestions (some of them were downright unacceptable for publication) and compiled the best of the best.

As God once proclaimed in Genesis: Go forth, be chill and multiply.

For when you no longer fux with the ‘Flix:
Hulu and do you
Xfinity and take my virginity
Ethernet and get you wet

For when you just wanna be a little alt:
Book on tape and vape
BuzzFeed and smoke weed

For when you subsequently have the munchies due to being so alt:
Takeout and make out

For when you’ve satisfied your munchies and want to return to being alt:
EBAs and blaze

For the corporate re-cutie:
LinkedIn and get it in

For the gamer:
Catan and get it on

For those who enjoy the finer things in life:
Dog Day and foreplay
A cappella and suck-a-fella

For the academically-oriented:
Writing 5 and fantasize
Drill and drill

For those who support going local:
College on the hill and are you on the pill?
Parkhurst and quench my thirst
Collis After Dark and see if there’s a spark
Dirt Cowboy and reverse cowgirl
TDX and let’s have sex

For the outdoorsy folk:
Cabin and rail

For anyone who has ordered food from Collis ever in their life:
Collis Steve and conceive

Tarika Narain