The Ultimate Flitzing Guide
While my friends at other schools are nervous about emailing that person who interviewed them during corporate recruiting, I sent that one out two days ago. What’s hard about perfecting a professional email? The email that sits in my drafts, not quite perfect, is to that cute boy I met last week. It’s a flitz.
Flitzing. If you haven’t yet flitzed someone, you’ve wanted to flitz someone. It’s the beginning of junior year and it feels like the statistic that 10 percent of Dartmouth grads get married is weighing down on you. There’s an environment on campus that you need to reach out, make moves! But damn, making moves is hard.
Lucky for you, the love of your life (or hookup of your week) is one blitz away! You don’t even need their number, just their name! (And only their first name if it’s rare enough.)
But where do you begin? I’m here to help, so let’s do this.
- “(no subject)” oohhhhhh ~*mystery*~
- “I’m starting a sentence…” …which I will finish in the body of this blitz.
- “this is a flitz” look I’m bold! I’m brave! I’m different!
- “coffee?” Get to the point.
- “engs10 questions?” I’m pretending to ask a question about that class/club/thing we do together but actually am going to change this blitz on you halfway through.
- “You need to see this” It’s me being desperate for your love.
- Keep it short. For two reasons: 1. It makes you seem mysterious 2. The less words the less of a chance you say something dumb.
- Cute little inside joke. Remember that one time you saw each other and then he drank out of a cup?!!! Yeah. Reference that.
- Keep it casual, don’t let it come out that you actually like them. That’s giving them to much power. Keep language vague — “I had fun,” “I liked talking about ___” or “I’m trying to reach out.”
- Gifs. DISCLAIMER: don’t overdo this, and don’t attempt unless you are confident you can pull it off.
- For the less-seasoned flitzer: links. If you embed them it’s very minimal, very classy.
- Put a survey in it. Make it interactive for them. ENGAGE THEM (but don’t actually engage them, that makes me feel old and alone).
- Barter with them. It’s important to show you have more to offer than just your personality.
- Beware of sending out flitzes at the same time as statistics courses survey projects. During those weeks I basically read half of my blitzes. I’VE BEEN HURT BY YOU TOO MANY TIMES ECON10. AND NO I DIDN’T WANT TO GO TO FORMAL ANYWAY.
- Don’t wait to flitz. Terms are 10 weeks long, the D-Plan means you will most likely be separated for years and also unfortunately they might forget you. Aim for 12-24 hours post-seeing them but before three days after.
- Don’t send out a flitz if you can’t see that person that week. There is nothing worse then a 20-emails-long chain just trying to lunch. No one cares how many extracurriculars you’re in.
- Alternatively play the long game. Wait a few terms, a few years, wait until you’re eight years out of college, then send a casual “1fp?”
- NOT something involving paying for things. Our generation cannot deal with the perception of a “date,” and beyond that what is the call? If we split is that platonic? If he pays is that anti-feminist? If the girl pays is that overly sensitive? WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU FORGET YOUR WALLET? It’s too much.
- Stick to pong, or coffee,or food, but not too much food to the point of you each not eating to make a good impression. I can imagine nothing worse than trying to be polite and not eat a Worthy Burger in under a minute.
- Wait for formal or semi-season and invite them. The excuse is just vague enough that if things work out terribly you can just say, “I only invited them as a friend!”
- Be quirky! Go to the rope swing, play mini-golf at Fore-U, play catch on the Green, jump out at people doing the Dartmouth Seven, sneak into Phil Hanlon’s house, break into Sphinx, get each other’s faces tattooed on your butts!
- Don’t have a heart attack.
- It’s only been like, what, 12 hours? He probably went on a hike or to the lodge or has a 12-hour midterm or is super hip and only checks blitz every other day, right?
- Eat a pint of ice cream. Listen to some music. Have a good cry.
- Flitz again!!