Mirror
If you saw last week's issue of The Mirror, you might remember reading that "natural selection has spent hundreds of years getting rid of people like your friend, who think it is a good idea to jump through the ice and into the water of a frozen pond," or that the Polar Bear Plunge is exclusively for "morons." Moderately passive aggressive challenge accepted, though I had already planned to do the plunge since I never had before, and my last opportunity as a Dartmouth undergraduate had finally arrived.
When Friday morning finally came around, I lay in bed praying that impending blizzard would roll into town and cancel the event, subsequently depriving freshmen of new profile pictures and saving me from icy agony.