Last spring, Ham — short for Hambleton — Sonnenfeld ‘16 was walking past Rollins Chapel when he noticed an animal in distress.
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On any given tour through FFB, you’ll likely notice a unique collection of colorful laptops and water bottles sitting on the desks of the hard-working undergrads (but since this is FFB, are they working hard or hardly working?). By now any Dartmouth undergrad has probably seen most of the following stickers, but the question remains: what do they really say about the person they belong to?
The phrase “Netflix and chill” has spread across campus faster than even the freshman plague. It’s seemingly innocuous and the perfect amount of noncommittal.
1. Chat with friends. 2. Twiddle your thumbs. 3. Twiddle someone else’s thumbs. 4. Just kidding that’s probably illegal. 5. Meditate. 6. Watch for dogs. 7. Steal the dogs. 8. Just kidding that’s also probably illegal… But potentially worth the risk. Exercise judgment.
Ah, freshman fall. The glorious time of year when shmobs are formed, games are pre’d and meals are swiped.
It’s a common misconception that Halloween is the ~scariest~ part of October. Those of us who have been through sorority recruitment know better. In a lot of ways, the two are quite similar: the costumes, the decorations, the traveling door-to-door to houses with alarming screams and/or chants emanating from within. The only difference is that instead of candy, you get your questions like “What’s your major?” or “Where are you from?” or — if you’re lucky — “Spaghetti arms or spaghetti legs?”
It’s no secret that Dear Old Dartmouth dropped in rankings this year, according to a U.S. News and World Report that ranked it 12th in the nation. Speaking of numbers, we’re about to turn this post up to 11 and talk about how we stack up with the other top 20 schools on what really matters — attractiveness, writing, partying and sex drive, using some data from our good old friend OkCupid. Much to our dismay, our least favorite tiger’s writing skills are more than good… they’re actually great. Sorry. In addition to dominating the U.S. News rankings, Princeton students’ OkCupid profiles are above an eighth-grade reading level, the highest of any school. Makes you question if this is really the highest grade level… but the data doesn’t lie. So be sure to read some Harry Potter before your next date, because apparently middle school vocabulary is where it’s at.
If you ever feel intimidated by an impressive Dartmouth grad, just remember that they, too, pooped in the woods at some point.
1. Saturday classes are scheduled earlier in the day than usual, so if you have classes between 8 and 10 in the morning, you may as well pull an all-nighter and enjoy your Friday night — maybe even complete the Lou’s Challenge.
Wilderness Pong I For the true beginner, this version of pong – played on wide, fresh-hewn oaken tables in the Second College Grant – teaches only the basics of Dartmouth’s distinctive version of pong. It’s not for experts, and trip leaders need to go easy on the poor freshmen, but ultimately these students will come back to the Moosilauke Ravine Lodge with a firm grasp of the essentials of pong. That said, they’ll be just as mercilessly mocked as the students who took Hiking I. Wilderness Pong II This is a real conundrum — it’s a massive level up from Wilderness Pong I, but still not hard enough for students who take Wilderness Pong III. Trippees will scale a medium-sized mountain, saw down trees, erect a pong table of exactingly applied dimensions and proceed to play the sport of (drunk) kings as the wind rustles their faces upon the hillside. Wilderness Pong III For the true expert in Wilderness Pong, this trip section – offered only rarely, as few freshmen are qualified – involves a strenuous hike up Mount Washington in the dead of night, followed by the sawing down of numerous trees, the construction of an exact replica of a Dartmouth fraternity or sorority — a different house each year — and the casting in gold of the One Pong Table to rule them all. After engaging in a full week of strenuous, back-breaking pong, the freshmen of Wilderness Pong III and their trip leaders will descend from the peak of Mount Washington and hike all the way to the Moosilauke Ravine Lodge, where they will proceed to play pong across the backs of other freshmen while onlookers dance the Salty Dog Rag. Beat Boxing While this trip is actually held in Spaulding Auditorium and involves absolutely no wilderness component, it is a valuable skill that will help to train the future supporting members of Dartmouth’s a cappella groups – and also the really irritating people at dorm parties. Sun God-ing In this trip, first-year students design, build and decorate a set of outdated cars in accordance with a Dartmouth-specific theme. Next, they will outfit them with ridiculously high-powered speakers and drive around northern New England playing music, film soundtracks and political commentary at high volume.
Once upon a time, incoming students had the opportunity to test out of Writing 5. Like the days of hard alcohol or Three Guys BBQ's southwest poutine, however, the chance to escape 10 weeks of "Style: The Basics of Clarity and Grace" has been stolen from us.
Remember when you were a wide-eyed, bushy-tailed first-year student? Back then you still thought trippees were forever and FoCo cookies were a godsend (just kidding, that second one is still true). For all you ’19s out there, we know how you feel, even if we pretend that we were way cooler and always had the hang of this college thing. If this sounds anything like your morning yesterday (or today — we'll cut you some slack), just know that about 99.99% of the freshman class probably feels the exact same. 8:01 a.m.:OH MY GOD!! I overslept my alarm by 16 minutes! Was my roommate right telling me not to take a 9L?? Look at her…still peacefully asleep until she has to wake up for her 12…ugh. 8:03:No, I was right. My friends that are still in high school are already halfway through first period, and I just got out of bed. I’ll be okay. 8:15:I definitely don’t have time to make my bed. Or put on a decently presentable outfit. This sweatshirt and pajama pants will do, right? Dartmouth students are supposed to dress casually anyway… Wow, look at me, off to my first college class at an Ivy League. Go me! 8:16:I spoke too soon. The floormate I hooked up with the first night is heading for the same staircase as me…he just looked back and waved…oh my god he stopped so I could walk with him…I can’t handle this awkwardness. Not to mention, he’s way less attractive than I thought. Also… is that a Trump 2016 sticker on his backpack?? And did he just mispronounce my name??! Unforgiveable! 8:18:New rule: no more floorcest.And maybe no more drinking….(just kidding). 8:19:I don’t have time to walk all the way to FoCo. I’ll try out that place in the library, Novak or however you spell it.Someone told me the workers are really friendly and they have amazing coffee! 8:20:This line is too long. I’m going to try that place my trip leader told me about – “caf”? Must stand for cafeteria. What a strange name. 8:23:This line is long too but whatever, I need food. Also, I guess this place is called KAF, short for King Arthur Flour…? That’s an even weirder name than “caf”… 8:29: Why did the woman roll her eyes when I asked if they take meal swipes??? 8:31:Oh my god. This croissant is incredible. How much DBA do I have again? 8:34:I should probably start heading to class…I want to make a good impression on the first day. Time to consult my campus map. 8:37:The Life Science Center looks kind of far… 8:42:How much further is this place?? Will it look awkward if I start speed walking? 8:45:CAN’T…BREATHE…NEED…TO…GET…BIKE… 8:47:Okay, I’ll try to make as casual an entrance as possible. I’m only two minutes late. Someone told me my Writing 5 class would be pretty small but I bet everyone else was late too…if only my face weren’t so flushed from running… 8:48:Um, everyone elseishere….and the professor already started her PowerPoint. This is awkward. And where do I sit?? Okay, I’ll just say I’m sorry and avert eye contact… 8:49:There was homework posted on Canvas last night??? 8:50 AM:People are taking out their laptops….is that allowed?! Aren’t they going to get detention? 8:58:This class seems pretty good so far…wait, what does the syllabus say? WE HAVE A PAPER DUE IN TWO DAYS?! 9:00:Well, at least my professor and classmates seem nice. 9:02:Oh no – not another icebreaker. I can’t. 9:03:The guy next to me is from New Zealand and has an awesome accent. Maybe this class will be enjoyable after all. 9:06:Wait, what do I do if I have to go to the bathroom? Do I raise my hand? But that feels like I’m in kindergarten…I guess I’ll just wait. 9:10:Okay, I’m ready to go back to bed. 9:17:Does the professor notice me dozing off? 9:25:I can’t fall asleep in my first college class. When will my large coffee kick in?? 9:28:We still haveTWENTY-TWO more minutes??! This is agony! 9:35:I’m never taking a 9L again. 9:40:My professor let us out early. God bless her. I can’t wait to get back in bed…I still have almost three hours before my 12. College is amazing. 9:47:And…my roommate is still asleep. Unbelievable. Here’s hoping I have better luck in my 12…
I’m a firm believer in the idea that if you talk to even the most normal-seeming person for long enough, you’ll discover that they’re a total weirdo. The great thing about Johnathan James Recor, better known to Hanover residents as the Sun God, is that he cuts right to the chase. The car he drives around and the music he plays is an extension of his personality, and as I learned first hand driving around with him at the end of term last spring, he’s weird in a way that makes him more human, not less.
The going rate for a person’s beautiful seat-saving behind is around $150 (give or take a hundred). The “rules” state a person can only save three seats, but at those rates you can’t afford to not save more seats. Here are a few tips on how to save more seats and make more money while being a seat saver.
We’ve come to know and love the “Dear Old Dartmouth” Keggy geofilter, but what about those lesser-known places and faces that weren’t approved? Here are Dartbeat’s 11 rejected geofilter ideas. 1. Phil Hanlon’s mustache. Because let’s be real, we all want to try it on for size.
Every year, about 12 percent of Dartmouth's class takes a little bit longer than four years to graduate. The real question is: why won't you graduate on time?
But never fear — Dartbeat has decided to help you out. Consider using these essential strategies as you seek out your favorite study spot in the library for 15S finals.
That, my friends, is how we have arrived at week eight of spring term, when it feels like just yesterday I was watching 1000 scared ’18s run around the bonfire. It has been a year of secrets for me, one that began with one of my more stupid story pitches: “what if I photographed people admitting things outside the admissions building.”
Me: Hi, T-Pain! Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me. We here at Dartbeat are really big fans.