The Captain's Log: The Morning After Diary: The First Few Hours

In between Carnival, V-Day and the down time between rounds one and two of midterms, I'd reckon that most of you have felt the need to let loose at least once. You may have danced, played pong or streaked across the entire state of Vermont.

Matt the Movies: Popping Woody

The past decade or so has not been kind to Woody Allen. Not only does he have to put up with constant late-show-host-type pedophilia jokes and the Knicks' gradual descent into Hell, but the same snobby, pretentious, New York-based critics that ate up his past films about snobby, pretentious New Yorkers started saying no to things like "Celebrity," "Hollywood Ending," "Anything Else," and, lest I forget (and I'd really like to), "The Curse of the Jade Scorpion." The Woody shtick that has made him perhaps the greatest American director of his generation started to seem stale.

Wake me up before you go go

We've all heard it: Nobody dates at Dartmouth. This is where relationships come to die. Or perhaps you were told that you would meet your future husband or wife in the span of these precious four years?

Alice Unchained: NRO-ing last night

"The Morning After." Cue: Elliot Smith's "Say Yes," please. Okay, now dim those lights. This is gonna be deep, peeps. When our editor politely suggested that I discuss the theme of this week's Mirror in today's "Unchained!!! (RAHH!)" my immediate reaction was, "Yeah, sweet!

Inside This Issue: The Morning After

The Dartmouth Due to lack of space I am unable to share some personal stories.

On The Sidewalk: All in the name of fashion

As I gaze out onto the expanse of Dartmouth students all identically dressed in their uniforms of a parka, a hat, a backpack, I realize that the only thing that can potentially set apart one student from another is the type of pants they choose to adorn themselves with because that is the only thing that can truly be seen peeking out from under their coats.

Inside This Issue...

Alice Unchained: Ace of Basements

My dad has always claimed that college is like the "junior high" to grad school's "high school." I was never entirely sure what he meant by that until I went to the Richmond Middle School dance last week.

Haute Hufft: Tantrums and Tiaras

Kate Hufft The Dartmouth Staff Every Wednesday at 10 p.m., I enter the classic internal debate: to go to meetings, or to stay home and watch Project Runway? Often P-Run wins. Even though P-Run will air about twenty times again this week, I still sometimes can't resist the urge to hang out at home with Michael Kors, Tim Gunn, Heidi Klum and the quickly dwindling group of catty, talented designers and nameless models. And I do feel like I know them all (except the models, who walk in the shadows of the designers). What once was sixteen designers is now down to five.

The Captain's Log: Getting Along in the Stacks

I would like to be "study buddies" with everyone on campus. Of course, I don't mean that I want to take you all out of a bottle I stole from some poor kid with Attention Deficit Disorder, chop you to powder in a third floor Berry library bathroom and snort you through a straw. I'm also pretty sure I don't mean I want to freebase you before a 72-hour cram session (I'm not sure exactly what freebasing is, so I guess it's possible, if unlikely, that I want to do it to everyone on campus). Nor do I want to eat a lot of you, since just two of you have as much caffeine as one cup of coffee.

The Sonic Rage cage: Study Jamz

DJ Ben Nomo Davis on the Microphone: Hello everyone, and welcome to Episode II of the Sonic Rage Cage.

Study buddies: food, libations and drugs

Study buddies may come in all sizes and shapes from the little pop-able pill to the Screech-esque wire-spectacled dork in your rocks-are-NOT-for-f*ing-jocks-class.

OVERHEARD

"Dude, let's go on a road trip." "Yeah dude, let's go to Mexico." "No dude, let's go to France." "Dude, you can't drive across the Atlantic Ocean." Two dudes, hockey game, Saturday night, student section "I hate this weather; not good for anything except shoveling and freezing my nuts off." Hanover Police Officer, Dunkin' Donuts parking lot, 45 degree weather "Yeah, they're done, they even ended their Facebook relationship." '09 guy, Novack Cafe "And, like, I didn't even do it to be a sweet frat brother, man." '08 Heorot, on pledging, Baker-Berry (uh, sure buddy) "Berry Library.

HAUTE HUFFT: Subtle Stalking

I realize I have a problem. I am completely and utterly obsessed with celebrity gossip. My junk TV has moved from terrible, yet fabulous reality-based shows on MTV to terrible, yet fabulous "celebreality"-based shows on VH1.

ON THE SIDEWALK

Cold and Soggy Feet: A Fashion Don't

Alice The Madfratter: Awk-oholics Anonymous

Last Thursday, Daniel Belkin '08 wrote an inspiring Op-Ed about our self-conscious student body's excessive use of the word "awkward." In his call-to-action, Belkin states: "as more students conform to the fad of being awkward, more unnecessary awkward situations will arise, convincing additional students that they are awkward themselves.

THE CAPTAIN'S LOG: Safety and Security Fanfic

I should lay my cards on the table straightaway: I think I am a fan of Safety and Security. And instead of meting out the usual dose of punishment, I'm going to take some space to, in a mildly twisted way, give them a thank you. Obviously, I don't mean that Safety and Security doesn't ever screw up -- they do, and it's good that people remind them.

SAFETY AND SECURITY

The walkie-talkie crackled at the officer's waist, alerting him of an unregistered party and intoxicated undergrads.

Matt the Movies

In Hanover, there are only two places to rent movies -- the free, yet fine-friendly Jones Media Center, and Videostop, where your friend's girlfriend's friend from high school probably didn't return that copy of "Drowning Mona" -- so options are few.

Alice The madfratter: Off and On

I have a milk crate filled with books under my bed. I'm not talking about "The Cambridge Guide to the Solar System," "Dome the Works of Milton," or "Philosophy of Economics: Kill Yourself Now, Please." My milk crate is packed with the kinds of books that one would read during one's off term.