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The Dartmouth
May 23, 2024 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

Inside This Issue...

I was kind of curious as to how much of that piping, brown liquid we down everyday before, during and after class. I figured that Food Court Larry would be the best person to ask. I trekked down the steps of Robo, up the stairs of Thayer and into Larry's lair. Larry wasn't there. I was told by the friendly person that swipes our cards find Rich Bibeau. He wasn't there either. Then I was told to go find the guy with the corner office. Like his fellow DDS employees, he was absent as well. So, sorry, I can't give you an exact figure. I'd guess we drink a lot of coffee.

After such intense research to figure out how much coffee we chug per day, I set off on the rather daunting task of figuring out how much alcohol is collectively consumed by us, the Dartmouth student body.

I gave up in about .2 second for several reasons: I had no real means of getting an accurate count of how much alcohol is consumed in every house and/or dorm on campus and, making up numbers is poor journalistic practice. Right? Also, I am not a math major and this search for truth sounded like a lot of math.

So alcohol wins by default?

I mean our coffee addiction is probably perpetuated by our consumption of alcohol. Or something like that.