Inside This Issue...

Alice Unchained: Ace of Basements

My dad has always claimed that college is like the "junior high" to grad school's "high school." I was never entirely sure what he meant by that until I went to the Richmond Middle School dance last week.

Haute Hufft: Tantrums and Tiaras

Kate Hufft The Dartmouth Staff Every Wednesday at 10 p.m., I enter the classic internal debate: to go to meetings, or to stay home and watch Project Runway? Often P-Run wins. Even though P-Run will air about twenty times again this week, I still sometimes can't resist the urge to hang out at home with Michael Kors, Tim Gunn, Heidi Klum and the quickly dwindling group of catty, talented designers and nameless models. And I do feel like I know them all (except the models, who walk in the shadows of the designers). What once was sixteen designers is now down to five.

The Captain's Log: Getting Along in the Stacks

I would like to be "study buddies" with everyone on campus. Of course, I don't mean that I want to take you all out of a bottle I stole from some poor kid with Attention Deficit Disorder, chop you to powder in a third floor Berry library bathroom and snort you through a straw. I'm also pretty sure I don't mean I want to freebase you before a 72-hour cram session (I'm not sure exactly what freebasing is, so I guess it's possible, if unlikely, that I want to do it to everyone on campus). Nor do I want to eat a lot of you, since just two of you have as much caffeine as one cup of coffee.

The Sonic Rage cage: Study Jamz

DJ Ben Nomo Davis on the Microphone: Hello everyone, and welcome to Episode II of the Sonic Rage Cage.

Study buddies: food, libations and drugs

Study buddies may come in all sizes and shapes from the little pop-able pill to the Screech-esque wire-spectacled dork in your rocks-are-NOT-for-f*ing-jocks-class.

OVERHEARD

"Dude, let's go on a road trip." "Yeah dude, let's go to Mexico." "No dude, let's go to France." "Dude, you can't drive across the Atlantic Ocean." Two dudes, hockey game, Saturday night, student section "I hate this weather; not good for anything except shoveling and freezing my nuts off." Hanover Police Officer, Dunkin' Donuts parking lot, 45 degree weather "Yeah, they're done, they even ended their Facebook relationship." '09 guy, Novack Cafe "And, like, I didn't even do it to be a sweet frat brother, man." '08 Heorot, on pledging, Baker-Berry (uh, sure buddy) "Berry Library.

HAUTE HUFFT: Subtle Stalking

I realize I have a problem. I am completely and utterly obsessed with celebrity gossip. My junk TV has moved from terrible, yet fabulous reality-based shows on MTV to terrible, yet fabulous "celebreality"-based shows on VH1.

ON THE SIDEWALK

Cold and Soggy Feet: A Fashion Don't

Alice The Madfratter: Awk-oholics Anonymous

Last Thursday, Daniel Belkin '08 wrote an inspiring Op-Ed about our self-conscious student body's excessive use of the word "awkward." In his call-to-action, Belkin states: "as more students conform to the fad of being awkward, more unnecessary awkward situations will arise, convincing additional students that they are awkward themselves.

THE CAPTAIN'S LOG: Safety and Security Fanfic

I should lay my cards on the table straightaway: I think I am a fan of Safety and Security. And instead of meting out the usual dose of punishment, I'm going to take some space to, in a mildly twisted way, give them a thank you. Obviously, I don't mean that Safety and Security doesn't ever screw up -- they do, and it's good that people remind them.

SAFETY AND SECURITY

The walkie-talkie crackled at the officer's waist, alerting him of an unregistered party and intoxicated undergrads.

Matt the Movies

In Hanover, there are only two places to rent movies -- the free, yet fine-friendly Jones Media Center, and Videostop, where your friend's girlfriend's friend from high school probably didn't return that copy of "Drowning Mona" -- so options are few.

Alice The madfratter: Off and On

I have a milk crate filled with books under my bed. I'm not talking about "The Cambridge Guide to the Solar System," "Dome the Works of Milton," or "Philosophy of Economics: Kill Yourself Now, Please." My milk crate is packed with the kinds of books that one would read during one's off term.

The Captain's Log: Bubbleology

Here are some lies about the Dartmouth Bubble: it's a microcosm of the real world; it's the natural result of being out in the middle of nowhere; it is one of many bubbles in God's champagne; it's an optical illusion caused by refraction of a thinning, viscous and soapy membrane. Rather, I think, the Dartmouth Bubble -- insofar as it's real at all, remains at its root a schema useful for dealing with the exigencies of our own D-plan-amplified self-absorption. And yet, thanks to our collegiate and careless use of language, the idea of "the Dartmouth Bubble" gets tossed around like it has all those mythic meanings and more.

The Sonic Rage Cage: Introduction

Preface: I'm frankly still trying to figure out why exactly anyone ever gave us permission to write anything that will be read by more than a few people.

Haute Hufft

Fahsion Forward Far From Dartmouth

Overheard

"Counting really depends on how you think about it. Like, if you believe that 2 + 2 is 5, then it is." "Wow, dude." Two teenage guys, Nugget Theater Lobby, mid-afternoon "There's a fine line between dancing and crying, and I walk that line." '06 male, The Red Barn "I hate these f-ing angels.

Man-Bikini Etiquette and Other Things You Won't Learn in Chem. 5

By the time you reach junior winter, you know most of the ins and outs of living in Hanover. Never use a credit card at Panda House.

Inside This Issue