Valentine's Day is but 128 days from now, and so I would like to dedicate this column to you, love of my life, Collis Omelette Lady. I still remember the day my eyes first gazed upon you as you busily made omelettes in Collis.
Well, orientation is over, and I trust you '02s feel properly oriented. To provide further guidance for your successful transition into life in the Dartmouth community, I will proceed to answer your questions about life, the universe, Dartmouth and everything.
Well, not to make anyone feel inferior, but it seems that -- surprise! -- once again the incoming freshmen are the smartest, most talented people Dartmouth has ever amalgamated into one class.