Dear Freak of the Week,
I’m really conflicted. I’ve been seeing this guy and we always have a good time, but I really only want to see him during nights and for a hookup. Not to sound mean, but he’s a little annoying when he’s sober and I just think that he’s good for a hookup. I don’t necessarily think he wants anything more, but I worry that I might come off like an asshole if I just try to restrict the relationship to this. Do you think this situation is tenable?
Sincerely,
Trying To Be Nice But Also Not Interested
Dear Trying To Be Nice But Also Not Interested,
The classic on-night relationship. We’ve all been there before. You think the person is hot and you enjoy hooking up with them, but then you see them in the light of the day, and the conversations are awkward at best. It’s almost the end of the year, and unless you’re a sophomore gearing up for sophomore summer, this seems tenable for now. Although, I want to give some advice about where this might end up going.
I think you might be a little bit cruel to judge a book by its cover so early on here. There are three very basic stages if we’re going to break it down in an extremely rudimentary way: 1) just hooking up, 2) hooking up and spending time with them other than hooking up (studying in the library, getting food, etc) and 3) dating. Have you only ever tried the first stage with this guy? If so, I think it’s possible that you haven’t given him a chance to be normal. I would also be awkward if I only ever saw someone in a context where I wasn’t sure if they actually wanted to spend time with me. This might be how he is feeling, and he therefore might be closed off or in some way awkward when he sees you.
If you have tried the second stage and you still are not a fan of this guy, then it might just be him. Hot take — I think you might be able to extend this situation as long as he doesn’t say anything explicitly about wanting to see you more in a romantic context. If he doesn’t say anything, then you can safely assume that both of you are satisfied with the arrangement that you have at the moment. I wouldn’t recommend texting him over break, or trying to keep any sort of contact with him. Maintain a strict separation from on nights and every other time to make it clear what you want.
My deeper question for you is: how long will this be satisfying for you? I understand that some people can be happy with a simple night cap two to three nights a week, but don’t you think you could find something more satisfying on campus? I don’t think you should hold each other back by staying in this for too long. Look for something else, and don’t leave this guy on the hook for too long.
If he seems to be interested in something beyond just hooking up, I would make it plenty clear that you don’t want this as early as possible. This should minimize hurt feelings and make it easy for you.
Good luck!
- Eli
Eli Moyse ’27 is an opinion editor and columnist for The Dartmouth. He studies government and creative writing. He publishes various personal work under a pen name on Substack (https://substack.com/@wesmercer), and you can find his other work in various publications.
