Freak of the Week: And They Were (Frat) Brothers

Dear Freak of the Week,

My boyfriend spends a lot of time at his frat. I really don’t mind this much, and I enjoy spending time at my sorority too, but there’s another layer to it. His frat seems to engage in a lot of interesting extracurricular activities like naked meetings and naked pong. The complication here is that my boyfriend is bisexual. Should I be concerned that he might be engaging in some form of infidelity or cheating with his frat brothers? I don’t know if I’m being paranoid/how to approach him about this. Help!

Sincerely,

And They Were (Frat) Brothers

Dear And They Were (Frat) Brothers,

I’m going to be honest with you. As far as I’m aware, nudity and nudity-adjacent activities are relatively common, if not ubiquitous in male Greek spaces. I may be completely off base (and maybe showing my bias?) but I think that occasional events like naked pong and naked meetings are pretty normal.

I would also encourage you to understand nudity in a new light. I don’t think that nudity necessarily has to be sexual. Nudity can often be liberating, especially in the context of an unconditional acceptance of one’s body. Although our understandings of the body in the United States are often very conservative, being naked around others and finding an acceptance of your physical form can be very validating. 

Affiliated people I know in the queer community are also generally very hesitant to date people in their own Greek house, and especially their own fraternity. I know some people who don’t even date freshmen in the event that they rush. Although there are definitely exceptions to this rule, I would generally say that you aren’t really competing with members of your partner’s Greek house.

So ultimately, yes, I think this fear is generally pretty unfounded, unless this person has a previous history of infidelity. Think about the answer to this question completely separated from the Greek life circumstance. Are you generally worried about them cheating on you, and projecting this concern onto this situation? Or is it just this situation that has you concerned? If it goes deeper, it’s worth dealing with this directly with your partner.

Let them eat cake. Let them play naked pong.

- Eli

Dear And They Were (Frat) Brothers,

I think this scenario is very similar to a boyfriend going on spring break. Yes, there will be lots of hot people at whatever beach in Florida he’ll be going to. The real question is: do you have any reason to distrust him? 

Of course, you are layering in the fact that your boyfriend happens to also be attracted to men. But, first and foremost, he is attracted to you! He has made a commitment to you! Assume that he doesn’t want to hook up with his fraternity brothers.

Also, from what I can tell, these “interesting extracurricular activities” are not meant to be overtly sexual. I don’t really know what they’re supposed to be, but I think it’s antithetical to the homophobic history of many fraternities to do these activities specifically so brothers can get turned on by each other. I’d assume it’s for more “brotherhood” — belittlement — purposes.

Instead of letting your fears simmer in your mind, I’d encourage talking to him. Maybe he’ll tell you about more — clothed — traditions.

Considering the amount of bright young men on Dartmouth’s campus who engage with nudity, it’s so normalized that I think you should first confront your own personal relationship with both that, and your trust in your boyfriend. Maybe your concern for the nudity is just a projection of your concern over his sexuality as a whole. All of these things are worth a discussion.

Now, real talk, where’s my invite? I’m kidding.

- Leila