Top 5 Ways We Would Modify Dartmouth's Biggest Traditions

1. Bring the Keg Jump back. Have you seen the YouTube videos?
2. Haze the crap out of the freshmen by forcing them to run around a giant bonfire. Oh wait...
3. Move Winter Carnival to the summer, Brazil-style. In preparation, build a beach off of the Connecticut River to accompany it.
4. Green Key nope, we wouldn't change a thing.
5. Insert a new big weekend just for upperclassmen during Orientation week, comprising several days of absolutely nothing and culminating in a school-wide Capture the Melon competition. Free T-shirts for all!