The Gospel According to Matthew

by Matthew Ritger | 11/12/09 11:00pm

Religion and spirituality at Dartmouth, huh? The most religious person I have ever known at Dartmouth was a drug dealer. He was a two-sport recruit and converted to Catholicism. I used to watch him blow lines at 6 a.m. and then I'd sleep in as he'd be off at 8 a.m. to drive some elderly people to their doctor's appointments in Manchester, as community service for the Catholic student association, or whatever.

Borrrrrrrring. I'd rather be reading Texts from Last Night. I'd rather be reading TFLN: Dartmouth edition. Exhibit A: ('10) I found your id. its covered in aderall. i'm putting it under the bottle of tanq on top of the fridge to keep it safe.

So. Religion. My drug-addled slam used to say he chose to convert to Catholicism because he loved the spectacle of it. Makes sense, I guess. He also said that, as soon as he'd made enough of his own money on Wall Street, he would come out to his parents. And that they would then cut him out of their will. And he would then take solace in his homophobic religion, I guess? Jesus.

('11) walk of shame at 6am. covered in puppy hair. how did this happen????

Spirituality, I would think, is probably more common here than organized religion. It's almost impossible to walk under the ancient oak trees of Dartmouth and not feel some kind of transcendental

('10) He kept saying he was on the Big Green Bus, like I am supposed to care. Is that what people are calling drugs these days?

Yeah. Well, on second thought, maybe there are more religious people on campus than we think. Remember a couple weeks ago when some Sig Ep pledge left a list of his "resolutions" up on a computer in Berry and it got blitzed out? They included: "Get better at ultimate Frisbee," and "Be a better Christian."

('10) Where are you?

(1-'10) TERRIFIED. IN MY BRAIN. TERRIFIED. WHIPPETS.

My mother is a chaplain. An interfaith minister, to be exact. Maybe she would have something to say about this. I try calling her, but the thing is, we play hard to get with each other. We don't really talk on the phone, sometimes for months. Then I'll get a text with a picture of her that says, "Miss me yet?"

('13) Where are you headed tonight? I hope you have an awesome night. I'm in the emergency room at DHMC. Keep your fingers crossed! :) :)

Mom called me back. I screened. I waited a couple days. I called her back. She picked up win.

Last week, my home state of Maine repealed gay marriage. Bummer. Mom says, "In other news, they voted to allow dogs on Willard Beach ... So at least when you're alone you'll be able to walk your dogs by the ocean."

Thanks mom.

('12) i just wikipedia'd it. it's like strep throat plus a rash all over. i can't believe i slept with him.

Ask the mom about spirituality. She goes off on her rant about how our nation is spiritually bankrupt: Try to care. Don't.

('10) Just sneezed in my 10a. Blowback is the best

Try to care. So why are we spiritually bankrupt? Mom says it's because our religious institutions are so out of line with our blah blah.

('13) WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK.

Amen. I'm so glad we had this discussion on religion and spirituality at Dartmouth. I really feel that by grappling with these serious issues, I've learned so much about myself and my peers.

('11) I just found out he has me in his phone as Sex Puppet.'

I think each and every one of us is special, and each and every one of us has a place in God's contacts list as "Puppet." And when it's over, I'm not going to rot in the ground next to my cocker spaniel, oh no. I'm going to heaven, bitches.

Text you when I get there.

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