Take legit classes during sophomore summer? Why? Not only would you miss massive facetime in Astro 3, you'd also be utterly confused by Sig Ep party blitzes referencing some guy named "Professor Ulrich." Plus, actually working may conflict with key rope-swing-jumping-off hours, or result in you missing out on the invaluable experience of bonding with your sweaty classmates in a 118 degree basement.
The disadvantages are obvious, but as my naturally inquisitive nature set me thinking, I came to a shocking revelation.
There are immediate, parent-friendly reasons for taking serious classes: they count towards your major, studying encourages an "adult," non-partying-oriented lifestyle and you're paying 80 times your future salary to be here. Then there are the less obvious benefits: flashing an orgo book gains you instant sympathy, and lugging it around even builds muscle mass!
But there is something deeper and more fundamental, something that touches the core of Dartmouth's spirit itself. (Stick with me, people.)
Though we've grown up a bit since the stereotypes of high school (jock, wannabe, sexually active band geek), the intrinsic balance of this slightly wack community depends heavily on people filling numerous carefully pre-scripted roles, rounding out the cast of Dartmouth characters, if you will.
During the summer, traditional "light" courseloads ensure that sweet dudes, half-naked basement rats and frame-pack-toting "crunchy" people are everywhere. Though these positions are indeed important Dartmouth roles, what of their counterparts?
Who will play the part of the stress case having a tearful freak-out on her cell phone in the Berry stairwell? Where will we find a person to stake out a corner of the 1902 room and effectively move in, bringing a stack of slowly-growing Odwalla bottles with him?
People taking legit classes, I call upon you! For if we reach a critical number of tan co-eds in bikinis, it MUST be balanced by at least one epically unshowered person who has recently consumed twice her weight in Red Bull. This is how the universe works. Disturbing the balance could rend apart the very fabric of space-time.
Therefore, those of you with reading, papers and all of your midterms tomorrow, don't question your decision to apply yourself. Your sacrifice brings order to our shaky realm and will not be forgotten. I salute you all.
