So I was just on Wikipedia clicking through random articles and accidentally spending two hours reading about bizarre UFO conspiracy theories doing research for this column, because when I first sat down to write this I discovered that apparently I'm a mildly disgruntled person who didn't have anything to say about happiness.
Okay, so I'm about to present a list of what I consider to be The Rudest Behavior On Campus, but I'm also kind of hesitating because I feel like by doing that, I'm implicitly self-calling myself as some kind of bastion of etiquette and politeness. And everyone who actually knows me just wet their pants laughing at that implication, because if you spend a lot of time vacillating between total decaffeination and epic hyper-cracked-out-wooo-crunchy-bunnies as I do, you're going to accidentally tick some people off.
Staff members in the College's administrative departments will switch to Microsoft Online Services for e-mail, calendar and collaboration services beginning in the Fall, Ellen Waite-Franzen, vice president of information technology and the College's chief information officer, announced in a Dartmouth Daily Update bulletin on Wednesday.
So ideally I would open with a funny anecdote that showcases my notably awkward dancing ability, except every story I can think of is so tremendously painful that it blows right past "humorously self-deprecating" and instead lands us in "so mortifying that it would actually make the reader uncomfortable on my behalf and would also require that I spend the rest of my senior Spring hiding under my bed." Consequentially I will just leave you with some key phrases, which are "martial arts-inspired ballet," "ill-conceived costume at fifth grade hula party" and "in front of guy I liked at the time." ANYWAY.