Holy Shit I'm Awkward!" My '08 compatriots may recall this Facebook group among the plethora that cropped up our freshman fall, back when the site was novel and thrilling (OMG, look how e-popular I am already!!!). Shortly thereafter, campus entered into a momentous debate, a quarrel only matched in intensity by the ubiquitous "Greek vs. alternative spaces" and "Keggy vs. Dartmoose" disputes. The central question: How outwardly awkward must group members prove themselves?
On one side, purists complained that too many posers were diluting the group's overall ungainliness: "She calls herself awkward!? I bet she's never performed an awkward turtle in her life!" Others took a more inclusive stance; if you think you are a gawky awk rando, who am I to call you poised? And so the battle raged until, I imagine, the purists started to see the truth: At Dartmouth, the awk tends to get all over everyone, as contagious as Winter term pink eye or wearing shorts at the beginning of Spring term while it's still too cold.
Case in point: This Facebook group continues to attract new converts. One of the most popular "other groups" is now "Dartmouth '11."
I realize, of course, that awkwardness can happen anywhere. But something about dear old Dartmouth seems to create more opportunity for social ineptitude than elsewhere. "I don't think I really even used the word 'awkward' in the past few months," Catalina Gorla '09 said, about her recent Winter term off campus. "But now that I'm back, it's everywhere."
For starters, the Dartmouth population is perfectly sized for awkward encounters. Just large enough that you don't actually keep tabs on everyone (that would cross over to incestuous), just small enough that you can:
Hook up with some one you've never seen before, only to realize later that you pass them five times a day.
Suddenly run into the one person in the one place at the one time that you don't want to see them (or worse, the two people you never wanted to see at once).
Easily end up with information about people that they don't know that you know (Remember that Friends episode in which Phoebe exclaims, "They don't know that we know they know we know!" as everyone begins to find out about Monica and Chandler? So Dartmouth.).
Situations like these have a high potential for awkwardness all around. Of course, your ability to maneuver through such moments could deflect the embarrassment onto the other party, as Daisy Freund '08 explained.
"How hard you cringe is always determined by whether the awk was on you or on the other person," she said. "Though sometimes there's just an explosion of awk, and no one in a 10-foot radius can avoid getting a little awk on their sweater. It's like projectile vomit."
With this veritable "explosion of awk," one may begin to question the basic meaning of the term. "What does awkward even mean anymore? We use it to describe everything," Gorla said. Bud Simis '08 agrees. "Ask one or two more questions, share a funny story, and, suddenly, things aren't 'awkward' anymore," he said. "Instead, 'awkward' allows us to deal with things on the surface without having to go deeper to understand what's going on."
The problem may stem from the dictionary definition of the term. Dictionary.com lists eight meanings, all of them in regular use. I won't regurgitate them here, although several mention "a lack of social grace." One entry in particular described the "simple, awkward frontiersman."
Is this our problem? Are we Dartmouth kids just a bunch of simpleton frontiersmen posted along the Appalachian Trail, lacking the social graces to get through daily life without blushing or bumbling through epically long pauses?
Hayley Kennedy '08, who is also a member of The Dartmouth staff, seems to think so. "Awkward is overused only because it's true," she said. "We're all relatively nerdy individuals, and as a big amorphous blob of nerd in the woods, there are bound to be moments in which social ineptitude reigns."
But maybe the beauty of the Dartmouth scene is that, amidst this communal sense of social unease, we have learned to embrace our inner awk rando.
"Moments like these are nothing to be ashamed of here!" Kennedy was quick to add. "This is the stuff of the next-day stories and Dartmouth legends, I really like that Dartmouth is 'awkward' and endearingly so. I appreciate the fact that Dartmouth students can really take ownership over being quirky. I mean, that's why we got in here, right?"
The girl with the funny comic full of Dartmouth awkwardness may have a point. After all, decrying a situation "awkward" allows us to accept our own public clumsiness and turn it into a shared experience. I could, for example, watch the rest of you shake yo' groove thang in the basement while I gawkily stand to the side on my crutches. Or I could declare "Yup, I'm awkward" and join the dancing blob of nerds, crutch in hand.
I think we all know the wise choice here. I expect to see you on the dance floor, you awk rando you. And please, someone catch me if I tumble down the stairs.
Jean Ellen is a staff writer for The Mirror. She is a member of 108 Facebook groups. Awkward.
