Before I begin, let me first apologize to all my loyal readers out there for my absence last week. Due to slight incapacitation, I was unable to turn in my usual gem. But rest assured that I will do my best to keep churning out the best Tuesday sports column in The Dartmouth. Why watch it on Sunday when you can just read about it on Tuesday? Okay, maybe not.
So this weekend in sports was a doozy. The Tigers are in the World Series for the first time since 1984, back when Alan Trammell won the series MVP and Detroit's starting pitcher Jeremy Bonderman was two years old. The Chicago Bears have gotten off to a 5-0 start thanks to a defense that has allowed only one passing touchdown so far this season. Rex Grossman, now beardless, is being hailed for his efforts, but clearly needs to do more interviews with his helmet on to cover his misshapen head. And let's not forget the New York Football Giants, who managed to actually play halfway decently in the second half this week and beat the Falcons in Atlanta on Sunday, 24-17. But on to more important things. Drum roll, please. We're making power moves and bringing out the awards:
Quickest Turnaround of the Weekend: Dusty Baker
It seems that ESPN found the need to replace the recently lost but quickly forgotten Harold Reynolds with an even less successful major leaguer, Dusty Baker. The freshly fired ex-manager of the Chicago Cubs, a team that posted an astonishingly miserable 66-96 record this season, stated that he needed to find new ways to support his sons, one of whom plans to make a living by running into extremely large moving objects, like professional baseball players. Luckily, ESPN has given Baker a pity-position behind the desk where he attempts to read the teleprompter and provide insight into the NLCS, making our friend Dusty possibly the fastest man since Jerome Bettis to make the ridiculously unqualified jump from field to studio.
Straight Up Man of the Weekend: Ed Hochuli
Who is Ed Hochuli? I know some of you are asking that very question right now, and for all of you in the dark -- shame on you. Ed Hochuli is the shining star among NFL referees. He is the ref that lays down the law with bulging biceps and a clear and concise tone. He is simply the man, and I don't remember ever watching a game where he made a bad call. He is also a big reason why the Seahawks won this week. With four seconds left in regulation, Hochuli made the correct illegal formation call, a call that could have been easily botched by a lesser man. The call also set up an impressive 54-yard game winning field goal as time expired, thanks to the foot of Seattle's John Brown. It's tough to shine a man for simply doing his job and making the right call, but with the ridiculous amount of mistakes made by referees who have access to instant replay, there is no doubt who should be running the crew for Super Bowl XLI.
Ragers of the Weekend: The Miami Hurricanes
For all of you who are not yet aware -- which I'm guessing is a very small percentage of readers out there -- there was something of a scuffle during the Miami/Florida International game this weekend. Actually, it was more of a third quarter bench-clearing brawl, resulting in dozens of suspensions and a lot of apologies. I would be lying if I told you I didn't love a good football fight every now and then (not nearly as much as a good baseball fight), but I digress. The thing that really jumped out at me happened after the fight. After pummeling the FIU players, who apparently instigated the on-field clash, the Hurricanes gathered in a large group and started jumping up and down, raising their helmets to the sky and chanting, "Whatcha name? G-REG!" followed by another chant that had to do with his head, I think. Regardless, the bench-clearing scene in Florida earns the Ragers of the Weekend award.
Loser of the Weekend: Helios Dos Anjos, Head Coach Sao Caetano
And now for the international award of the weekend, we have the Brazilian futbol club Sao Caetano, which currently sits in 19th place in the 20-team Brazilian championship league. For a league that has had 38 coaching changes this season alone, the resignation of coach Dos Anjos would seem to be nothing new. However, Dos Anjos resigned just seven games into his coaching tenure, posting a brutal 0-7 record during that time. Dos Anjos is the fourth coach Sao Caetano has had this season, and his seven game reign was eclipsed in brevity only by former head coach Paulo Cesar Gusmao, who lasted a mere four matches. Sources near the Sao Caetano front office report that Dusty Baker is being flown down to Brazil to interview for the job opening.
