Ever since I arrived at Dartmouth last year, the College has apparently had mascot issues. The Indian is long gone. My friend Jay argues that we should return to the Indian but I have to disagree with him there; I find it to be tasteless to make a mascot out of an ethnicity.
Yet ever since the departure of the Indian, we have had no official mascot. When I came here as a prospective, I went to the Co-op to buy my little sister a gift. I got her a pen that says "Big Green." Well, what exactly is the Big Green? A really large green crayon? A field of grass? A salad from Food Court (when the lettuce is decent)? I don't want to belong to a "Big Green." Give me a Viking or a potentially dangerous forest animal; don't make me cheer for a color.
I like the moose. Even though I've never seen a moose walking across campus, I don't think that's a problem. UCLA's mascot is the bruin, a big ferocious grizzly bear, but the most dangerous creature in Westwood is a toss-up between the common squirrel and student drivers. And in New Hampshire, if a moose were to get really disoriented, she might wander onto the golf course before going back to Maine.
But now I must pose this question -- was anyone else disturbed by the new "moonbounce moose mascot" at Saturday's football game? The furry moose costume is gone, and it has been replaced with this huge, inflatable atrocity of a moose. I'm sorry, but just because the 20th century is drawing to a close doesn't mean we have to adopt a more contemporary mascot. I just cannot accept an inflatable moose suit as an improvement on the familiar furry moose.
This change in mascot costumes is not just a phenomenon at Dartmouth. This summer I went to a Dodgers game with my family. The Dodgers were recently bought by Ted Turner and everything about the stadium is becoming FOX. For example, kids got free FOX beach towels at an August game which were blatant advertisements for their children's programming. This I could stomach. However, when Captain Kangaroo led the seventh inning stretch, my brother and I could only stare in horror. A bunch of 50-foot blow-up stick figures then surrounded the stadium and started waving about; at this point, I asked my dad if there was any way we could stop the madness.
The new Dartmouth moose costume reminds me of the changes at Dodger stadium, but Dartmouth is not owned by a television station or an amusement park. There should be no commercial reason behind the moose's changes; so, tragically, the moonbounce moose is supposed to be an improvement.
I have one big objection to the new moose -- it is scary. If I were 15 years younger, and I saw that beast waddling towards me, I would not be a happy child. Of course, I was the child who ran away from Mickey at Disneyland and cried when my mom made me take a picture with Donald, but I know there were other children like me. Please don't tell me I'm the lone freak who cried at Donald.
Although the new moose is potentially frightening and not very inspiring, it is at the very least entertaining. For starters, the inflatable moose just cannot move very well. It waddles; it convulses; it bobs. But it does not walk. And it has little arms like a T-rex. So instead of watching the game, I found myself watching the moose and secretly wishing it would tip over.
During the fourth quarter, the moose joined up with the cheerleaders. It shook a pom-pom with its ridiculously small arms, jumped about two inches off the ground and danced about. I laughed at these routines about as much as I laughed last Wednesday at Austin Powers. And for a moment, I thought that maybe the inflatable moose wasn't such a bad thing after all.
However, I only laughed at the inflatable moose, and in my opinion, the crowds should be laughing with the mascot. For this reason, I hope that the old moose is restored. But before we exile the moonbounce moose, I propose a battle at Homecoming, and in the unlikely event that the inflatable moose can vanquish the furry moose, well then, I will embrace the new moose as a sign of progress.
