As a fellow lazy person, I must say that I found Sam Bonderoff's column, "Surviving the Phys Ed Requirement," [Jan. 9] nothing short of inspiring. After reading it I realized that it was incumbent upon me, as one of The Dartmouth's most respected editorialists, to use my esteemed position in the community to effect some long-needed social change and promote greater awareness of the lazy cause. But first, of course, I took a nap.
When I awoke several hours later, I decided that the lazy people of the world had suffered systematic abuse, discrimination, and repression for too long. It is now time for us to follow in the footsteps of other interest groups, by finally asserting ourselves and taking our rightful place among the newly-empowered.
First, why not start with the crucial issue of what to call us. Through the years, I've heard us referred to as couch potatoes, slackers, bums, loafers, slothful, sedentary, and, probably the most common of all, just plain lazy. But these all have an inherently negative connotation (understandable, since all were invented by biased outsiders).
So, in keeping with the new feel-good, politically-correct spirit of the 90's, I propose a new, more sensitive name: from now on, we are the Motivationally Challenged (or "M.C." for short).
Now that we have the proper terminology, I'd like to take this opportunity to debunk some of the myths and stereotypes that have plagued the M.C. throughout history. First, M.C. does not discriminate; contrary to popular opinion, M.C. afflicts people of every gender, age, ethnicity, religion, creed, degree of athletic prowess, and major. Lazy people are everywhere and come from all walks of life; chances are, your brother, sister, or roommate may be M.C.
And so far scientific evidence indicates it is not possible to "catch" M.C. through normal interaction, so there is no reason to shun or avoid the M.C.
Now, there are many who believe M.C. is a life-style choice, and should be discouraged rather than recognized. But again, science indicates that M.C. brains may simply be wired differently, and are predisposed to laziness.
Just put yourself in the shoes of a lazy person; would any sane person choose to be M.C. in such a non-lazy-oriented world -- a world of morning drills, 10A classes, and other institutionalized forms of torture and repression? Of course not; every one of us wishes we had more motivation, not less, to get us through the day.
All too often, lazy children are encouraged to suppress their natural tendencies while growing up. Today, suburban moms who maniacally ferry their reluctant children from after-school activity to activity pose perhaps the greatest threat the M.C. community has ever known. Unwittingly, they are creating an entire generation of confused, artificially-motivated adolescents, whose entire world is destined to come crashing down upon them once they leave home and their lazy tendencies are given free reign. The potential ramifications of this trend upon our society's future are truly disturbing.
It is time to stop this charade. Lazy is beautiful! We must stop indoctrinating our youth with the notion that it is not. In the hopes of remedying the dire situation, we must mobilize and seek to alter public opinion. Of course, in doing so, we have to be careful not to force the M.C. to overexert themselves; that would mean continuing the repression that has already been imposed on them for centuries.
Perhaps an appropriate first step might be an organized nap-in, for instance. Every lazy man, woman, and child out there, drop whatever you're doing and go take a nap Monday at noon.
With the vast numbers of unreported M.C. cases that I believe are out there, we can bring the country to a screeching halt on an unprecedented scale. After such a powerful show of force, the non-M.C. minority which has oppressed us for so long will have no choice but to give in to our demands, and the M.C. movement can proceed from there.
