Freak of the Week: Flat Stanley

Dear Freak of the Week,

I will be studying abroad next term with someone I don’t know very well but I think is kind of cute. Should I make a move before the trip, or wait? I’m worried it could get awkward if it doesn’t work out since we’ll have to spend an entire term together in a foreign country soon.

Sincerely,

Flat Stanley

This is the first time we’ve dealt with an intra-study-abroad situation. The last time we tackled a reader’s study abroad concerns, it was about a relationship with someone from the host country. That was a much lower stakes, leave-the-drama-in-Paris ordeal. This is a whole different, diffuse-a-bomb situation. 

Usually, studies abroad are relatively small. We’re talking about a group of people who you will get to know individually and likely have to rely on in some wild situations. That means either a crazy upside if this person likes you too or a major downside if they don’t.

If this person likes you back, you get to spend a term abroad in a (hopefully) very romantic country and make memories that will last a lifetime. Even if it doesn’t work out with this person, you can still tell your future kids about the mysterious lover you had while abroad. They also say that traveling is one of the best ways to get to know someone. Needless to say, there’s massive potential for love to spark.

But if they don’t like you back? Brutal. You’ll be stuck in the same small circle together for months, and if it ends badly, what should’ve been an amazing opportunity to study abroad could turn very awkward, very quickly. They could also be rude about rejecting you, tell the other people in the program, and suddenly you’re the weird one before you’ve even boarded the plane. It’s unlikely, but not impossible.

I’m inclined to suggest you wait. If this person is not yet fully in study abroad mode, they may still be focused on a certain person or people on campus. Waiting until you settle in abroad gives you time to test the waters, to get to know them under the guise of group bonding and building friendships. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you’ve got support. Plus, people often reset their social horizons abroad, so you might actually have better odds if you wait. 

There’s definitely a lot of potential here. I’m excited for you! It’s always cool to see a new place, and having a mysterious foreign paramour is always fun. Take your time with this one, and let us know what happens.

- Eli

Dear Flat Stanley,

Ah, the study abroad roster. Roster being the key term. 

There are a few questions that I’d ask myself in this situation. First, even though you think they’re cute, do you think you could be friends with them? Just because you think this person is attractive doesn’t mean you have to make a move. Second, what’s the real benefit of making a move right now? You will know them better once you’re abroad, and maybe you’ll realize that you are incompatible with this person or that you’re better off as friends. 

You will be spending more time with this person than you realize. Classes, group trips, living in the same building. One awkward relationship going into the program won’t look the same as it does in Hanover. It’s not a few timid waves or awkward greetings on the off chance you walk past one another on the Green. It’s one person out of a small group of 15 to 20 people that you’ll be with every single day. 

Normally, I would say to make a move ASAP (I like drama). But it sounds like being conservative is the move here. My advice: savor the anticipation and let the abroad work its magic. Don’t force anything. Trust the forced proximity. You’ll either leave with the best story of your life, a new friend, or many, many stories of awkward group trips. It’s a win-win-win situation.

- Leila

Freak of the Week is a weekly relationship advice column co-written by Leila Brady ’27 and Eli Moyse ’27. If you’d like to submit a question, email it to dartmouthfreakoftheweek@gmail.com.

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