Sam's Little Larks

by Sam Van Wetter | 4/19/16 5:04pm

SIT SAM: Come on. There will be no line at KAF. We can get iced coffees and sit somewhere nice.

SAM SUN: Somewhere outside?

SIT: NO! I mean… Probably not. Let’s sit somewhere next to like, some windows.

SUN: Come on. It’s so beautiful out.

SIT: Right. So we will open the curtains.

SUN: That is so not the spirit of the season.

SIT: But it’s the obligation of academics. Let’s get to it.

THE GREEN: (Moaning) Waaaaait!

SIT: Success doesn’t wait and neither do—

SUN: Did you hear that?

SIT: You moaning about homework? Yes, but—

SUN: But I didn’t say anything!

THE GREEN: (Moaning with volume) WAAAAAIT! I Am The Green and I Am Hungry!

SUN: The Green? Like the Big Green?

SIT: Are you money? Are you money talking?

THE GREEN: I Am The Green and You Walk On Me but Today I Am Hungry!

SIT: What do you want? Bother someone else!

THE GREEN: I Want To Eat You—


THE GREEN: —r Afternoon!

SIT: No! This is our afternoon! Go take it from someone playing frisbee! Ask someone who has a baby! They clearly have too much time on their hands!

THE GREEN: But I Want You!

SUN: Come on, Sam. The Green seems like a pretty nice guy. I’m sure he means well. Maybe we should spend a little time with him. Maybe he’s lonely.

SIT: Lonely! He has so many other people on him all the time. Look at it right now! It’s swarming with dogs and prospies and townies! He has spikeball, for God’s sake. What does he want with us?

THE GREEN: I Want To Play!

SIT: No! We have work to do!

THE GREEN: But It’s Such A Beautiful Day!

SUN: It is really nice out.

SIT: You know what will be nice? Graduating. There’s no way—

ICE CREAM FORE-U: Need a ‘gram?

SUN: A gram of what?

ICE CREAM FORE-U: An Instagram, dude.

SUN: Oh. Actually yeah, why?

ICE CREAM FORE-U: Get some sprinkles. Stick it in a cone. Hold it up so there’s like a soft focus on the sign in the background. Hella likes.

WHIPPI DIP: But if you’re gonna do that…

ICE CREAM FORE-U: Well we have mini-golf.

WHIPPI DIP: We have the best fried food in the Upper Valley.

ICE CREAM FORE-U: We… we’re a good option if you’re basic.


SIT: We do not have time to get ice cream.

SUN: But ice cream and an Instagram?

SIT: Absolutely not.

THE LEDGES: Why not make a day of it? Ice cream and a trip to True’s Brook. Granite pools of wonder water. Doesn’t get better than this.

FAIRLEE BRIDGE: Whippi Dip, bridge jump and chill?

THE LEDGES: That’s illegal.

FAIRLEE BRIDGE: Thrill operates above the level of legality.

SIT: Okay this is totally pointless. We’re not looking for options. We don’t have a spring afternoon to waste. We have work to do. We have the fervor and the intelligence to make the right choice today and head to the library. We will have so much fun.


SUN: Oh my god. I love you.


SUN: You are so fun. Sam, come on, it won’t take that long.

SUN: How could you refuse—

SIT: Because I have things that need to get done and jumping off some beautiful granite quarry into refreshing crystal depths is not one of them. If you don’t want to come just tell me.

SUN: I don’t want to go to the library on a beautiful 65 degree day. I’d rather go jump off something.

SIT: Fine.


SIT: No—! You can go if you want. I’m gonna do work.

SUN: You need my notes.

SIT: Give me your notes.

SUN: I can’t. They’re on my computer. Besides, it will go so much faster if we do it together.

A ROOFTOP: I’m down to work.

SIT: What?

A ROOFTOP: Like if you wanna do some work on me I am totally game.

SUN: Who are you?

A ROOFTOP: I am a rooftop.

SUN: But like, where are you?

A ROOFTOP: Oh, I don’t know. On top of a building, I guess.

SUN: Where?

A ROOFTOP: That’s like asking someone’s scalp for their name.

SIT: You don’t think my scalp knows my name?

A ROOFTOP: I think it’s rude to ask.

SUN: Okay, what do you see?

A ROOFTOP: Oh, nice. Um. I seeeee, uh, sky.

SUN: Okay. What’s in front of the sky?

A ROOFTOP: In front of the sky?

SUN: In the foreground.

A ROOFTOP: Fore-what?

SUN: Do you see any trees?

A ROOFTOP: Oh, yeah. Buncha trees.

SUN: What kind of trees?

A ROOFTOP: The… squiggly kind.

SIT: You’re wasting our time—

A ROOFTOP: You are worth more than a capitalist definition of productivity! Some of the best things you can make are memories! Your existence is not a transaction! Your time is smoke off a camp fire: constantly expiring.

THE GREEN: That Is So True.

SIT: Okay. Enough. There is nothing you could offer me — nothing you could tempt me with — that will deter me from my path. We are going to the library.

SUN: Come on!

SIT: Now.

MINX BROOK: Heyyyyyy bois!

SIT: Oh no.

MINX BROOK: Wundering if u want SUN hnag

SUN: She’s already drunk.

MINX BROOK: No Im noootttt! Cum hang

SIT: How long are you gonna be there?

SUN: Sam!

MINX BROOK: Ughhh wth!!

SIT: Sam’s right, Mink. We have, like, a ton of work to do. It’s ridiculous. I really wanna hang soon, though.

MINX BROOK: i might not hve another good day tho!!!!!! cmon i hve beer

SIT: I don’t know what to do.

SUN: Are you kidding me!

SIT: What?!

SUN: You were just freaking out about getting stuff done and Mink Brook hits you up and suddenly you’re down?

SIT: I don’t know!

SUN: Tell her no.

SIT: But I really like her.

SUN: Sam!

SIT: What kind of beer?

MINX BROOK: keystone

SUN: Definitely not.

MINX BROOK: Im jk I have heady topper commmme onnn

SIT: Seriously?

SUN: Seriously?


SIT: I really can’t.

MINX BROOK: u r dumb af fr

SIT: We have to work.

MINX BROOK: I have a hammock.

SIT: I’ll be there in three.