Dear Gardner and Kate,
As someone who chose Dartmouth over a host of other schools because of the Dimensions show, I literally cannot believe that they are "not canceling the Dimensions welcome show." Do you think the admissions office will take students' opinions into account and keep the show?
Big Green Benjamin '15
Gardner: We can only hope that they listen to the absurd amount of student feedback and keep the show. Unfortunately, what I've gleaned from this whole process is that the administration thinks that the student body currently isn't good enough so I don't see why they would listen to our thoughts. Does it seem like a good idea to try to convince the most academic high schoolers to pick Dartmouth over Harvard? Yes. Will it work? No.
I'm afraid that in the quest to win over those prospies that would realistically never choose Dartmouth, we'll lose the outgoing, fun-loving prospies to Penn or, God forbid, Cornell. Those are the people that come year after year and make Dartmouth what it is, Dartmouth. But I'm a Dartmouth College student so I don't know why our administrators would listen to me.
Kate: First, Benjamin, I'd like to apologize for being a full week behind addressing the Facebook status-worthy issue of the week. Gardner and I are still working on premiering "Moderately Breaking News," along with "The Dartmouth Bucket List 2.0."
In any case, I'm glad others' vehement opinions have covered up my general apathy on the issue for the past week. While "not canceling" Dimensions seems like a bad idea, as someone who got off the wait list my attachment to the show is pretty low.
However, I'll add it to the list of concerns for my President's lawn Green Key sit-in/camp-out, along with "what was DDS thinking?," "what is hazing, really?" and "has this very conveniently located house been unoccupied for the last year without any attempts at a sorority or selective living group takeover?"
Dear Gardner,
My boyfriend recently broke up with me, which is fine, but when he was doing it, he told me that I was "fun, pretty and interactive." What does that even mean?
Concerned Carla '13
Gardner: Trick question, you're an iPad.
Dear Kate,
I've really enjoyed reading the advice column, but I feel like I've kind of figured things out now. Just wanted to say thanks for all the help back when I was young and naive!
Fiona Freshman '16
Kate: Fiona, let me tell you a tale of two freshmen. One, who I will call Complimentary Casey, responded to my aggressive basement befriending by praising my Bollywood dance abilities. The other, who I will call Negative Nancy, had no such compliments. Instead, she told me how she hated '13 girls who criticized her pong skills while sitting on benches with their "twat boyfriends." Guess what Nancy? I don't have a boyfriend, so the joke's on you! Anyway, the moral of this story is even if you feel like you've got it all figured out, no one is as susceptible to flattery as a near-nostalgic '13, so just give me that. Also, stop talking about rush in KAF. We're all judging you.
Dear Gardner,
Do you ever face moral dilemmas when answering questions and, if so, how do you deal with them?
Larry Jones '13
Gardner: Your question has brought out my guilt over a recent question where I faced a moral dilemma and failed to handle it. I will try to explain and fix this failure now. When a reader asked about food in the library, I could only think of one thing: the new King Arthur Flour roast beef sandwich.
I thought of my daily lunch of roast beef, creamy blue cheese aioli and tangy balsamic caramelized onions coupled with the excitement of the KAF bread lottery. I wanted to share this goodness with the world. Then I had a terrifying realization.
I imagined readers flocking to KAF and saw myself showing up everyday only to find them sold out, so I left it out of the column. Now I'll finally overcome this moral dilemma: the KAF roast beef sandwich is one of the five best things at Dartmouth.
Dear Gardner and Kate,
What's a good way to ask someone to formal if we're not dating?
Nervous Ned '14
Gardner: While you may have fond memories of covering your date's car with Post-it notes to ask her to senior prom, you must try hard to push those from your mind and fill their place with utter indifference. You should be like most students and ask your formal date via blitz and going to extreme lengths to ignore him or her for hours until they respond. It's how we show that we almost care.
Kate: Avoid invoking the classic philosophical thought experiment, "If two blacked out people agree to go to formal together, and everyone in the basement is too drunk to remember, do they have a date?" and you'll be fine. If you have already decided to go the drunk formal invite route, attempt to repress the memory and spend your week debating if your date did the same. Then, tonight when you're drunk and still have no formal date, blitz them this column accompanied by a bunch of question marks. You're welcome!
In an attempt to elevate our collective social media presence to a level near that of Gardner's 12th grade sister, please tweet questions in need of advice @lowsinks and @KateH_Taylor
