Dartmouth students' attitude toward our campus is a paradox. Our campus occupies only 0.42 square miles in Hanover, and yet in hearing some people talk about it, you would think that you need to pack a water bottle and a meal to get to class. To explain our nonsensical geographical conundrum and the endless complaints about having to walk 30 feet from a dorm to class, I will describe the contrasting lives of two hypothetical college students: Joe, a Dartmouth student, and Phil, a student at Almost Any Other College or State University (AAOCOSU).
Before freshman year, Joe was distraught to learn that he had received the worst housing imaginable a room in the dreaded River cluster. Not only did he have to walk seven minutes to get to class, but it was an 11-minute walk to get food! The worst part of his "Vermont FSP" was that the College didn't even let him have a car, a necessity when living in the boonies. He had to settle for a bike, which only cut these treks in half. Joe blames his River dorm for his "lack of action" frosh year.
Phil was able to land a great apartment just off campus with some friends for his freshman year at AAOCUSU. It's a 30-minute walk to any of his classes, and he doesn't even go to the freshman dining hall, which is on the other side of campus. But he tries not to complain. Some kids need to drive to class.
Even after a year at school, Joe doesn't use the public transportation in Hanover. Sure, the Advance Transit buses are free and take him pretty much anywhere he could possibly want to go in the Upper Valley, but it's so annoying, and the people are weird. Bringing his own car is so much better. Too bad he has to park it in A-Lot, which is literally a whole mile away.
Phil usually uses public transportation when he wants to go somewhere. Parking is impossible to find and really expensive at AAOCOSU. Buses/subways/hovercraft can be a hassle, and the cost can add up over time. But it usually beats walking when getting across campus or around the city.
Joe was really excited to get in shape this term. He was going to go to the gym every day, but then he got stuck in a room in Streeter, so sometimes the long walk makes him reconsider. Maybe he would play squash, but he'd probably be tired from walking by the time he got there, so it wouldn't even be fun. How can Dartmouth expect students to stay in shape with the gym in such an out-of-the-way location, four-tenths of a mile away from Joe's dorm? Maybe next term but only if he's in Topliff.
Phil had the option to join a gym, but he has to pay to join and it's on the other side of campus, a 30-minute walk. He jokes that he gets enough exercise getting around, anyway.
Joe decided to pledge Zete because it was much closer to Streeter than to SAE, his other option. He explains that it may only be a quarter-mile farther, but think of that twice a day, four times a week, eight weeks during pledge term. What is he, a marathon runner?
At AAOCOSU, Phil doesn't drink his entire pledge term. The pledges' only responsibility is to provide rides around campus. I can't figure out why, but it may have something to do with everything being absurdly far apart, kind of like at Dartmouth.
While Joe pities himself, he can't imagine the horrors of living off campus. His friend hasn't gone to meetings all term because her off-campus house is a mile away from Kappa, her sorority. How can you take advantage of your $55,000-a-year education when it's a 10-minute walk away?
I couldn't reach Phil for comment. He was 10 minutes late to class with a 15-minute walk still to go. And the bus schedule was off.
