Cindy Pierce a mother, innkeeper and comic takes a humorous approach toward conversations about hook-ups, one-night stands and the lack of education about pleasure on college campuses. A graduate of both Hanover High School and the University of New Hampshire, Pierce is the co-author of "Finding the Doorbell: Sexual Satisfaction in the Longhaul" (2008). Pierce promotes openness about sexuality through stand-up performances and discussions at venues across the country, including many college campuses. Her dialogue facilitates conversations spanning healthy sexual decision making, birth control, body image, internet porn and the influences of alcohol on social life.
A familiar face around Dartmouth due to her frequent appearances at Greek-sponsored events promoting sexual awareness, Pierce agreed to give me some special insight on her thoughts on you guessed it sex.
Q. How does alcohol play a role in sexual interactions on campus?
The motivation of the drunken hook-up is to feel wanted and feel hot. Both men and women drink a little more in order to fill a void and in order to connect to other people.
People think of sex as a rite of passage, think it's no big deal and that it is cool to have a lot of it. But every intimate moment impacts your soul and emotions, and you can't blame the sex you're having on drunkenness.
But drunken and random sex is unfulfilling and crappy, and is just a higher form of masturbation for guys. It doesn't teach you anything about sex very few female orgasms occur and mainly the guys are getting off.
Q. Many of your discussions focus on the influences of porn on our generation's sexuality. What are your views on porn and its effects on sexual expectations?
There is so much media input with the internet throwing out so many possibilities of how sex should look like and should be. Women are asking to be hit and choked, and want men to come on their faces because they think that it is sexy and hot.
But in reality, women know less about where the clitoris is than did previous generations. Internet porn exposes so many images of unreal sex, and porn culture takes over how we view sex and act sexually. Porn skews expectations about what bodies look like, how they work and respond and how they can efficiently stimulate the bodies of their partners.
The truth is, if you start with kinky stuff and haven't figured out how to have your own pleasure or please your partner, you cannot sustain a relationship. A friend of mine once said, "Porn has hijacked our sexuality."
Q. What is your opinion on the intense hook-up culture that dominates college life?
College life moves so fast, and people crave some sort of calm. [College students] are hooking up for some sort of comfort in order to connect with other people, and they see hooking up as relief from the stress of school.
There is leftover energy from Dartmouth as an all-male college, so I do think that a lot of young women feel like they are empowered by initiating hook-ups and hooking up. They feel liberated by making that choice and feel empowered because they think they are acting like men. In reality, there is nothing empowering for a woman about having a lot of sex with a lot of different guys and simultaneously having no idea how to have her own orgasm. Having fewer partners and knowing your own pleasure zones is way more empowering.
Q. What are some skewed perceptions concerning sex and sexuality?
Men in our culture, and especially young men, are given this message that they can't show emotion and need to inherently know everything about sex ... They trust the friends who get laid all the time, but these boys probably know nothing about sex because they get no legitimate feedback from their random partners.
Men go through life without getting sexual advice, and get to this point where they can no longer ask questions. These people feel sexually inadequate and are going into the sexual world trying to execute themselves without having any clue what they are doing. These men, with their anger and confusion, are the dicks of the world.
Women on the other hand think that by trolling the basements dressed as porn stars, they will be fulfilled. These women are simply searching for answers and comfort, and think that by expressing themselves as sensual, they will find sexual fulfillment.
Q. So are people generally misinformed about pleasure?
Yes. People tell you that men don't care about female pleasure, and are more focused on themselves. But when a man gets to a naked woman, and she is not responding positively, they blame themselves. They think their penis is too small or they don't have the proper skills to excite a woman. And when I talk to certain guys, they generally claim that they don't know what they're doing, but are too embarrassed to ask.
Women on the other hand claim that if their partner asked what they wanted, they would willingly share. Women constantly fake orgasms because they want the guy to feel good about himself but are clearly misinformed if they find that the pleasure of their partner is more important than their own.
Pleasure is neither valued nor studied in our culture Sex is a learning process, and if you have an honest connection with someone, and share humor and laughter, you together can have good sex.
