On this year's National Coming Out Day, an annual occasion to celebrate and build support throughout the LGBT community, I think back on my own experience. The memory replays as vividly as a film I'm perched across from my sister, swaying anxiously as if carried by waves, and I felt seasick. What brought me to this moment was nearly a lifetime of guilt, confusion and dread, but my pain had finally crossed some threshold. "I'm gay." The words scraped and stuck to the back of my throat like swallowed shards of glass, but I was beginning to taste the sweetness of freedom.
Hindsight convinces me that coming out was absolutely crucial to my well-being. I abandoned the exhausting task of living a life that was not my own. Years of repression had hollowed out a heavy, persistent emptiness at my core. It began to fill with warmth. Yet at the time, coming out felt like a painful impossibility. The terror of the unknown, in a world that seemed disinterested at best, unwelcoming at worst and outright hateful at the very worst, paralyzed me. I know that I am not alone in feeling this way coming out remains difficult for many who simply wish to live openly and genuinely.
The inevitable agony of a closeted life has an obvious remedy: come out. But how can we prevent that agony in the first place, and reduce the burden from deciding to live openly and honestly? The answer is the same: come out.
Coming out is liberating, but it also provides a greater social function. There is no better predictor of support and acceptance of LGBT individuals than knowing and loving someone who is LGBT. Allegiance to loved ones has managed to mold the most conservative minds. Former Vice President Dick Cheney, whose daughter is openly gay, broke from his Republican base by publicly voicing support for marriage equality. Dartmouth's own Laura Ingraham '85, notoriously involved in terrorizing LGBT students while editor-in-chief of The Dartmouth Review, reformulated many of her anti-gay beliefs after learning to love and accept her openly gay brother.
Coming out contributes to a culture of acceptance by rallying the support and understanding of those who are nearest and dearest to us. Openly identifying as LGBT likewise adds to a collective confidence by means of example and visibility. The result is an environment in which it is less stifling to grapple with questions of sexual or gender identity, less imposing to come out as LGBT and more rewarding to live and express oneself freely.
Of course, coming out is also an intensely personal process that must account for an array of factors. Experts recommend securing financial independence should one's providers respond poorly. Yet I can similarly assure you that the view from the closet is disproportionately dire. One can usually acquire some sense of how those who matter most will respond, and beyond facing a real possibility of abandonment or hostility, the fear of merely disappointing others should not deter you. It might take time, but rational, intelligent people tend to come around (with a caveat for religious zealotry), assuming they are not supportive from the start.
As more people identify openly and proudly as LGBT, a more accepting, supportive and welcoming environment is created for all LGBT individuals. The benefits of coming out extend beyond the personal to a greater good that affects us all.
So on this National Coming Out Day, I ask that you consider how you relate to the coming out process. If you openly identify as LGBT, wear your status with confidence and pride. Your existence might help someone else come to terms with their own identity. For those who remain entangled in the losing battle of a closeted life, consider how coming out will ultimately set you free and pave the way for others who similarly struggle.
And for the plurality for allied, non-LGBT individuals articulate your support clearly and openly. It might not seem like much to ensure those closest to you that you love them unconditionally whether straight or gay, bisexual, transgendered, or anything around, beside or in between but you never know when the ones who are listening are the ones who need to hear it the most.
