Dartmouth students like gossip and secrets but sometimes the mundane "who's rushing where" and "what's happening when" just doesn't do it for us. There's always so much to be explored beyond the sometimes shallow surface of this school you just have to know where to swim.
What will we discover when the staircases shift and we find ourselves exploring out-of-bounds corridors, stealthily evading Filch/H-Po? Although I'm by no means an expert, I've tried to compile some of our best campus secrets for your enjoyment. Accio secrets/embarrassing Harry Potter references!
We might not have our own basilisk, but we do have monkeys living in Moore Hall four little rhesus macaques to be exact, according to a friend who works in the lab. Rumor has it that the lab door is disguised as an emergency exit near Filene, but I have yet to see for myself. Unsurprisingly, the psychology department also has a large number of rats, one of which I once saw in the steam tunnel. It turns out the steam tunnel is not the big tube filled with hot air that I imagined before I went on a tour. It's actually just a big tunnel with pipes carrying steam inside of it, and it runs from the steam plant behind New Hamp all the way to Moore. When the door in Moore is left unlocked and Fluffy is asleep, students sometimes hang out in the tunnel.
The next time you're trying to woo the muggle of your dreams with your best parseltongue, head to the under-utilized Bartlett Tower. The tower that random stone tower near the BEMA was built in 1895 to replace the Lone Pine, and is apparently a favorite "romantic rendezvous spot on campus," according to the Yale Daily News' recent book "The Insider's Guide to the Colleges." Maybe I'm just confused about the Dartmouth Seven, but I hardly knew that thing was there, let alone used for late-night liaisons. Similarly, roofs around campus (accessed by unsecure doors) are used by students for who-knows-what (exploring each other's Chambers of Secrets?) on the regular. Students have even been known to scale Baker Tower fairly often. If you need to warm up after all of these outdoor shenanigans, the ski team has its very own sauna in the basement of Robinson Hall.
If you're not solemnly swearing to be up to no good, maybe you just need an alternative study spot on campus. Although not technically a secret, the Rauner Special Collections Library is definitely worth checking out. Fun fact: Webster Hall, where Rauner is housed, used to be an auditorium and concert hall and also used to house the Nugget movie theater. The Nugget may have moved farther away, but that doesn't mean you can't get your fill of cinema (Harry Potter!) on campus you can always submit a request for Jones Media Center to buy your favorite movie.
But what happens if you're studying far away from the center of campus and you get hungry? Goblin's beard, you're in luck! A Bagel Basement was recently installed outside of Kellogg Auditorium, near the Gilman Life Sciences Laboratory. And if you're near Thayer or Tuck, there's always Byrne Dining Hall. Although it only takes DASH and not DBA, you get your fro-yo (but not your Chocolate Frogs) for free if you guess the price correctly.
Speaking of prices, my dad grew up in a big, chaotic family like the Weasleys, so he raised me to be cheap almost to a fault. I now hunt down free and cheap stuff like it's my job, so I will share the fruits of my labors with you most aren't secret, but they're definitely worth remembering. One Wheelock coffee, tea and weird concoctions of mysterious chocolate packets, as well as Sanborn tea, have kept me going through many a rough day. Ladies, free tampons on campus can be found in Silsby, Fairchild, Class of 1953 Commons, Moore and the second floor of Robo. And don't forget to monitor the Free Food Bulletin.
Hopefully these secrets will help you navigate the ever-changing ever under construction, that is staircases of Dartmouth. We may not have a Room of Requirement to help us through our most desperate moments, but with a little felix felicis, you may even be able to discover a few of Dartmouth's myriad secrets on your own.
In the words of Albus Dumbledore, "Let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure."
