Dartmouth is a bit of an anomaly. How can you take 4,200 of the most competitive students in the country and expect them to peacefully coexist in a world supposedly devoid of competition? When your psych professor tells you that only 10 percent of the class will receive an A, and you realize that the 50 '14s around you are taking notes on that fact, you're either going to drop the class immediately or draw on your inner high schooler who beat out 500 valedictorians to get in here and dominate. You probably won't steal the notes from the kid sitting next to you three days before the test (this isn't Wharton), but a certain level of competition, even if purely internal, drives us all.
That said, we're definitely competitive on the outside to some degree. But when is it not OK to be competitive? To answer this question in traditional Mirror fashion, I've compiled a list: The Do's and Don'ts of Campus Competition.
Competitive: IM Flag Football. This is the notable exception to the "Sports Below the D1 Level are Not Worth Losing Friendships Over" rule. It's that one magical day in the spring where we gather to watch Kappas and KDEs break each other's wrists and collar bones in a non-contact football game, all in the name of sisterhood. Corollary: Any IM game in which the winner receives an "Intramural Champion" shirt is also inherently outwardly competitive. Exception: If you're playing in the C league.
Not: Pickup Basketball. We get it, you're 6' 4" and you played center for your high school basketball team that was second at regionals. That doesn't give you the right to start throwing elbows when rebounding. Maybe I did set an illegal screen, but more importantly, it's pickup basketball.
Competitive: Collis after 11s or 12s. Hanover is generally an easygoing town. Collis after 11s or 12s is like rush hour on the beltway. At no other time do so many people attempt to fit into such a small space, and if you stand by passively, it could be 30 minutes before you get an omelet. I'm surprised that nothing has shown up in the police blotter about someone being stabbed with a broken plastic spoon after deciding that it would be a good idea to get in the omelet line with a backpack and then cut the entire stir-fry line as it wraps around the salad bar.
Not: Pong in a Non-Tournament Setting. If you're sinking a cup in M@sters then feel free to let out a loud "Let's go!" followed by an enthusiastic high five, but no one wants to hear it or see it at 10:30 p.m. on a Monday night. Exception: If it's half cup to half cup.
Competitive: Proving How Little You Care. Competitions involving who can show the most indifference take countless forms around campus. Consider the recent Student Assembly elections, in which two write-in votes won someone a spot in the Greek Key Society. You also see it when groups of friends discuss how little they care about where they eat dinner. That conversation always ends in ordering Gusanoz. It even happens every week when the Mirror writers compete to see who can turn in their articles the latest. Exception: If you're actually excited about what you're doing. Exception to Exception: If your bros are watching.
Not: Talking about how much work you have in the library. If you're talking to someone in the library, then it's safe to assume that they also have a bit of work to do. It's not a competition to see who has more to get done because you are both above the threshold that matters: the amount that requires you to be in the library. No one wants to hear you list your entire schedule, and they are even less interested in discussing how their own schedule stacks up.
Competitive: Unnecessary Arguments. In any setting, it is acceptable to get into arguments that serve no purpose and have no right answer, because above all your opinion is always worth defending. When tour guides tell prospies that Dartmouth is a place where you have intellectual banter at dinner or in a dorm common room, they are definitely referring to heated arguments over whether Boston or Long Island is more obnoxious, in what round of the playoffs the Heat will choke or whether Teriyaki/Mild or Thai Peanut/Medium is the best stir fry combination.
Not: Class Discussion. It doesn't matter if participation is 35 percent of your grade, you should never feel the need to rip the comment the girl two rows in front of you voices in an attempt to prove that your interpretation of the sense of self in Machiavelli is superior. Even the professor thinks you're a tool.
And if you're wondering why Chem 5 or Econ 26 aren't covered, remember this rule of thumb: If it isn't explicitly listed, it definitely falls in the "Not Alright to Get Competitive" category.
