Last week my roommate and I went out to lunch, and afterwards split up to run some errands. "See you back home," I said as I turned to go. The words slipped out effortlessly, and it was only as I walked away that I realized the implication of what I had said.
Home? For the last 18 years, home has been a house in the suburbs of Chicago with my parents, my little brother and my dog. How could this place, this campus in the New Hampshire wilderness and, particularly, this 12-by-24-foot space that I share with someone I've known for three weeks, go by the same name as the place where I grew up?
I've hung posters, filled the shelves and drawers and windowsills with my things, started an impressive collection of free dorm plants with my roommate and hung out with the people living around me. But home? It's a strong word. It encompasses a lot of intangible emotions and ideas, from a sense of belonging and stability to a feeling of ownership and control.
For freshmen, move-in day was the easy part. The hard part is what comes in the following days, as we attempt to carve out an emotional home in the foreign, unpredictable world of college. This quest is complicated by the fact that when you already have a home, with friends and family that love you, it can be hard to imagine feeling that way about anywhere else. I felt disloyal the first time I referred to Dartmouth as home. What I realized, though, after a minor existential crisis, is that Dartmouth isn't a replacement; it's a rich, exciting addition -- a chance to rebuild an expanded sense of home.
Home, at least for me, used to be a comfortable, low-key environment. A Dartmouth home is one that includes friends from around the country and the world. It is one that provides intellectual challenges unlike anything you've experienced before, but also the most fun you've had in your life. It's one where dignitaries and politicians and celebrities will walk through your front door on a regular basis. It's a more vibrant definition of home, and that's a good thing. It's also something that takes some getting used to.
The other day, in a light drizzle, my roommate and I were walking down Main Street past the Green, where some young children were playing. Suddenly my roommate declared, "I feel it. For the first time, I feel it. This is the place for me." I don't know what about that moment prompted her announcement, but I realized then that I knew exactly what she meant.
I had the same epiphany on the last day of orientation, lying on the Green with friends from my DOC Trip as we alternated between discussing the merits of the various courses we wanted to take and comparing how messed up we had gotten the night before.
Something in the moment just clicked. I surveyed the faces of the amazing people I had just met, who had left homes in Japan, California, France and Alaska to live and learn at Dartmouth. I let the gentle murmur of their conversations and the warm rays of the sun wash over me, and I felt it. It was warmth and community and respect and stability and fun, all in one, and everything about it felt thrillingly right.
As I'm sure most upperclassmen can attest, no two '12s are going to have the same moment. Some might have had it long ago, on DOC Trips or even at Dimensions, when people dressed in crazy outfits, singing silly songs and doing goofy dances made them feel it. Some might have had it during the fun and freedom of Orientation, at a stimulating open house or in a dirty fraternity basement. Some, like my roommate, might have been struck by it unexpectedly, in an unremarkable moment. And some might not have had it yet. An emotional home needs a strong foundation as much as a physical one.
While for some people a sudden flash of emotion might be enough reason to embrace Dartmouth as that second home, it's reasonable to expect the process to take time. The newness of a Dartmouth home might feel strange and unsettling. As long as you stay open to the possibility that it can also be enlightening and exhilarating, though, I have no doubt that you will eventually feel at home here.
For me, there will always be sweet home Chicago. But sweet home Dartmouth?
Yeah, I think so.
