Just to satisfy all the Bears fans out there, I'll admit that I was wrong last week. The Bears are Super Bowl contenders. Congratulations. But the Bears can only play "Please Rex, don't lose this game for us" football for so long, and as much as it pains me to say it, Peyton Manning and the Colts will win a Super Bowl in two weeks. In-depth Super Bowl analysis to come in next week's edition of WOE, but right now let's review the weekend in sports.
In drug news, Notre Dame starting point guard Kyle McAlarney was suspended for the rest of the semester after being arrested last month on marijuana possession charges. The Fighting Irish, ranked No. 21 in the nation, have seen McAlarney average 10.3 points per game while running the offense for the first 12 games of the season. McAlarney's suspension is a crushing blow to a Notre Dame team that is barely keeping itself in the top 25, and in a tough Big East conference this may be the straw that breaks the leprechauns' back.
Back here in Hanover, junior goalie Mike Devine '08 earned his third ECAC Hockey League honors this season when he was named co-Goalie of the Week. After shutting out Holy Cross 4-0 last Tuesday, the fourth shutout of his career, Devine had 33 saves in a 4-3 victory over Sacred Heart this past weekend, propelling the Big Green to a 9-8-2 overall record.
And while we're on the topic of Dartmouth athletics, let's not forget about Big Green men's basketball (6-9, 1-1 Ivy). With as many wins as they had all last season, the team is on the verge of a momentous conference schedule that could very well see the Big Green contend for an Ivy League title. The next four games are home conference games, so maybe the student body would be kind enough to show its support to one of Dartmouth's blossoming athletic programs and make the rest of the Ivy League teams hate making the trip to Hanover. Friday and Saturday nights, 7 p.m., Brown and Yale. Hockey is away, so you've got nothing else to do.
Now for awards:
Offensive Smell of the Weekend: Michael Vick's mysterious water bottle
Overrated Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick was in trouble earlier this weekend as he tried to pass through Miami International Airport with a water bottle with a "secret container" that smelled "suspicious." Lab tests have apparently cleared the mysterious water bottle of all drug-related suspicions, although the tests did reveal that Vick's water bottle compartment contained one copy of Peter Tosh's classic solo album "Legalize It," as well as pictures of Vick and former Miami Dolphin RB Ricky Williams smoking what appeared to be large water pipes and holding clear plastic bags filled with what police are calling "oregano." Vick is not subject to any NFL fines, nor any further legal investigation after evidence surfaced that the water bottle actually belonged to his brother, Marcus Vick, also known as the "Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events" of D-I football.
Hire of the Weekend: Lane Kiffin, Raiders Head Coach
In a move that surprised no one, the Raiders selected former USC offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin to take over at the helm of one of the NFL's worst-run organizations. Kiffin, at 32 years and 123 days young, became the youngest NFL head coach ever hired. He signed a five-year contract with Oakland on Sunday and hopes to follow in the footsteps of other Trojans, like Todd Marinovich, who have done such impressive jobs busting in the NFL. Said Kiffin of his new job, "Right now, it looks like we're a team with no quarterback, one wide receiver, and one defensive player. My job as head coach will revolve around pleading with Coach Carroll to hype the Raiders as the new Patriots of the NFL to the incoming USC classes and hope for enough wins to keep my contract."
Commercial of the Weekend: Nike's "Second Coming"
This award was a toss-up between the "Second Coming" commercial and the Ohio State commercial that is currently running ad nauseam on Adult Swim. While the Ohio State commercial is admittedly hilarious, its lack of pictures eventually led to the "Second Coming" commercial taking the award. If you have yet to see either, I suggest you stop reading immediately and start searching YouTube faster than Dana Walker '07 sends out angry campus-wide femi-Nazi responses to lighthearted party blitzes.
