I was shocked to read about the defecation that occurred in South Massachusetts Hall over the weekend ("Defecator hits S. Mass bathroom, fines likely," Aug. 9).
It's hard to imagine how such a crude and insensitive act can occur at an institution as highly esteemed and intellectual as Dartmouth College. I am just as confused as Elizabeth Kim, who was quoted stating, "There's poop everywhere, and we don't know why."
While the individual cost to South Mass residents may be trivial, it does not seem right that the victims of this act should themselves pay the cost to get it cleaned. They have gone through enough already.
I too have once been victim to a random act of feces while at Dartmouth.
Though not as spectacular as the South Mass incident, the first floor North Fayerweather hall adjacent to my room was vandalized by some errant excrement last term.
Like Kim, I was left with a feeling of disillusionment and disgust, and above all, a sense of nausea while I brushed my teeth.
The residents of East Wheelock this spring also learned the foul taste left in the mouth from malicious defecation. An elevator in East Wheelock lay in waste after a student apparently mistook it for a bathroom. The culprit was never found.
What causes someone to commit such an action to his fellow students?
Under any circumstances fecal vandalism seems unimaginable, yet still, as recent events have shown, sh*t happens.
It may be that the perpetrators of such deeds have consumed too much alcohol and simply lose control of their bodily functions.
Maybe each had an "emergency" coming back from food court, and tripped and did a somersault on the way to the toilet. It could be they were having a really bad day -- they failed a big test, broke up with their girlfriend, ate a poorly assembled "Big Bad" burrito -- and finally just snapped and went on a pooping spree.
The more I think about it, maybe these defecations are related and all the work of one serial pooper. Yes, I can see it all now. The Poopist was wronged by society earlier in his life. People used up the last of the toilet paper without replacing it one to many times. He had a traumatic "falling-in" experience as a boy when somebody left the seat up and almost drowned. For years he bottled up his pain inside, but he's now lashing out.
I'm sure Safety and Security has staked out on a map the geographic locations of these defecations in order to pinpoint were the Poopist will strike next.
Maybe the Poopist has been calling in with clues that Safety and Security has to solve in order to prevent the next defecation. "There are three urinals in this bathroom, no windows and a faint humming sound coming from the ceiling. On Saturday at 5 p.m. sharp, sh*t is going down!"
Let us pray Safety and Security finds the next target before it's too late.
While fining the residents of the building that has been hit, may deter those students from replicating the scene in South Mass, I strongly doubt that anyone would willfully chose to defecate in the bathroom that they themselves use anyway. The Office of Residential Life should change its damage policy in such cases where the residents are clearly victims and not suspects. Fining the residents of the building may pay for the damages, but avoids the larger problem of catching the culprit.
Such an act of vandalism should be dealt with the same way it would be if it occurred in a non-residential area, like the library (which may be a potential target).
Safety and Security should beef up its investigation. I'm talking eye-witness reports, finger printing and, as the case may be, stool samples.
Investing resources into catching the perpetrator(s) is realistically the only way to stop future public defecations from happening.
If you are the Dartmouth Serial Pooper, or some scatologically-inclined party-goer, and are reading this, let me warn you -- we're hot on your trail. Think again before you disrespect your classmates and school.
Most of us, quite honestly, have had enough of your crap.
