Election years are serious to the point of self-parody. Candidates stand on the stump, fix the crowds with their best presidential stare and proceed to beg for votes, money or -- even better -- both. Our nation's future hangs in the balance, or so warns each party's mass mailing. Television pundits, breathless, pounce on each new batch of polls to divine their cosmic significance. Hyperbole -- from Gephardt's "miserable failure" to Bush's "mission accomplished" to Kerry's f-word -- abounds. That's a lot of seriousness to handle, especially after a 2003 filled to the brim with pre-election moving and shaking.
So, with the first primaries approaching, it's worth looking back and taking a breather before plunging into the election year whirlwind. Politics is serious business, but also full of personalities and absurdities. Even with our future allegedly hanging in the balance, it's hard not to laugh at the spectacle of it all from time to time. In that spirit, I offer up my 2003 political awards, the Govies -- kind of like the Oscars and Emmys, but without the $10,000 gift bag -- as an appetizer for the upcoming election. Are the Govies serious? Hardly. Funny? Hopefully. Facetious? Maybe. Deserved? You decide. (Special thanks go out to several of my fellow WDCR Political Roundtable panelists, who helped nominate politicians for the Govies and pick the winners.)
Collapse of the Year -- Presented by Grady Little and Steve Bartman, the Govy goes to: John Kerry. In the span of a year, Kerry went from the Democratic front runner, the golden boy all but anointed by the party leadership, to a bungling also-ran headed for embarrassment in Iowa and New Hampshire. Presidential initials, three-figure haircuts and public cursing aren't enough to save the Kerry campaign from, well, Kerry. While the rise of Howard Dean contributed to Kerry's fall, Kerry's mundane ideas and wooden personality deserve most of the credit. Runners-up: Gray Davis, Rush Limbaugh, Saddam Hussein, the U.S. space program.
Success of the Year " Presented by Paris Hilton, the Govy goes to: Howard Dean. At the start of 2003, most voters couldn't name a single candidate vying for the Democratic nomination. At the start of 2004, most voters still can't. But those who can name a candidate have fallen in love with Howard Dean. Imitation must be the sincerest form of flattery, since other Democrats have scrambled to copy Dean's aggressive style, anti-Bush rhetoric and scathing criticism of the Iraq war. But no other Dem can work a room, fire up the party base or -- most surprisingly -- raise money like Dean. He's the man to beat in the Democratic primary. Runner-up: Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Rookie of the Year -- Presented by LeBron James, the Govy goes to: Arnold Schwarzenegger. Despite constant ribbing by late night talk show hosts, accusations of groping and sexism, and the sideshow atmosphere that surrounded the California recall, the Terminator emerged from the field of over 130 candidates to become governor of America's largest state. Pundits called Schwarzenegger unelectable, and fretted about a candidate winning with as little as a 20 percent plurality. Arnold proved them wrong on both counts, finishing strong after some initial stumbles and cruising into office with a mandate. Runner-up: Bobby Jindal.
Backstabber of the Year -- Presented by Jayson Blair, the Govy goes to: Al Gore. Gore placed himself in the running for this award by abandoning a decade's worth of support for the moderate Democratic Leadership Conference to throw his support behind liberal sensation Howard Dean. But the fact that Gore endorsed Dean over Joe Lieberman, his former running mate and current candidate, puts Al over the top. Apparently there is no loyalty among politicians. Runners-up: Zell Miller, Cruz Bustamante, "Bush administration sources" for leaking the identity of a CIA analyst, Vladimir Putin for arresting Mikhail Khodorkovsky and confiscating his company.
Image of the Year -- Presented by Karl Rove, the Govy goes to: Saddam Hussein's capture. 2003 was filled with tremendous images, from the toppling of Saddam's statue to Bush in front of the "mission accomplished" banner to the disintegration of the space shuttle. But none can compete with the video of the disheveled Butcher of Baghdad being prodded and deloused by U.S. troops after he was pulled from his hole. Hussein's fall, from living in opulent palaces and enjoying state-enforced worship to having his gums examined on worldwide TV and awaiting trial by the people he once terrorized, is perfectly captured by the tape. Runners-up: Bush in the flight suit, Colin Powell at the U.N. with the "anthrax" vial.
Spin of the Year -- Presented by Dick Morris, the Govy goes to: the former Iraqi information minister for "There are no American infidels in Baghdad." Quite the claim to make even as coalition troops seized Baghdad airport and started striking into the Iraqi capitol. If there was a Govy for audacity, everyone's favorite Iraqi spin doctor would win it too. Runner-up: China for covering-up the SARS outbreak.
Clich of the Year -- Presented by George H. W. Bush, the Govy goes to: The argument that the economy will kill George W. Bush's chance for reelection, just like what happened to his father. The economic recovery, "jobless" or not, is taking the wind out of this clich's sails. Aside from threatening to repeal some of Bush's tax cuts, no Democrat has articulated a coherent economic alternative to the American people, which doesn't help either. With Dean focusing much of the offensive against Bush's Iraq war, national security and foreign policy, not domestic politics, will set the tone for the coming election. Runners-up: Iraq is "another Vietnam," Saddam Hussein is "the real weapon of mass destruction."
Person of the Year -- Presented by Osama bin Laden (live via satellite), the Govy goes to: George W. Bush. Love him or hate him, Bush's personality and policies dominated American politics and defined our image abroad. With Democrats on the attack, Bush's record will continue to frame the political discourse in this election year. Runners-up: Tony Blair, Howard Dean, Saddam Hussein, Vladimir Putin.
