Throw out everything you've been sent. Ignore everything you've been told. I'm the only advice-monger you need consult during your transition to college. Here, without further adieu, is the highly-praised, never-duplicated, much-anticipated "Top 20 Things You Should Know Upon Entering Dartmouth."
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Clean is such a relative term. There's no shame in reusing dirty clothes. Everyone does it, even if they don't want to admit to it. Just make sure to bring enough underwear. I suggest a two to three week supply.
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There is no such thing as a "gut" class. The only thing a "gut" can be is that thing hanging out onto abdomen. Don't make the mistake of taking a class thinking that it will be easy and that you can breeze through without doing work. I did that once (okay, more than once) and ended up with a C. On the flip side, you will probably be surprised that a class you thought would be impossibly challenging turned out to be easier than you had imagined. I know that has happened to me, as well.
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Don't forget the "big picture." Remember that Dartmouth is just a small school in the middle of nowhere. There is an outside world where people are suffering more than you ever will. Keep that in mind. Losing perspective is the best way to be miserable.
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Memorize EBAs number. 643-6135. They deliver. The food sucks, but it's the only place to get a greasy pizza and cold nachos at 2 a.m. Try the chicken sandwiches. It took me over two years to tire of them.
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Nightlife. Dead on arrival. If it doesn't have a Greek letter in it (and even sometimes if it does) it's probably not really worth doing, although the College is working on that. Fort Lou's (the most disgusting 24-hour service you can fathom), Astrobowl, etc. will suffice if you really feel the need to get "off campus."
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You are no one. Sounds harsh, but it's true. You are only one of 1,100 or so students in the Class of 2005. You are no more special than any one of them, and in no way should you consider yourself superior because of your family name, income, SAT score, high school rank or skills that you possess. It's a privilege to go to Dartmouth. Don't forget that.
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You are special. You are one of only 1,100 or so students in the Class of 2005. You were chosen from thousands of applicants because of traits and qualities that distinguished you from the herd. Don't let anyone belittle you or denigrate your ideas and aspirations. You deserve to go here. Don't forget that.
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Who cares about high profile "sports schools?" We've got Dr. Seuss and no one can take that away from us. Yes, our football team sucks, but go and support them anyway, because they might win a game someday. I think I might have already missed my chance to see them win; don't make the same mistake. By the way, if you're looking for me around campus, I'll be the guy with the 300 pound linebacker sitting on him.
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To thine own self be true. Or to be colloquial, keep it real. Shakespeare said it, so it applies to you as well. Being cool was important in high school. It's not in college. College is about finding yourself and doing things that you enjoy. If you screw up, big deal. Dartmouth is big enough that no one will care if a little freshman gets himself/herself in a sticky situation or decides to try something new. Don't be dependent on your friends to find yourself.
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It's called Dick's House for a reason. Our health services get a bad rap, but it's not totally undeserved. Some very helpful and friendly people there have attended me in the past, but I've also seen the other side. Words to the wise, if you don't think it's broken, don't bother. X-rays are expensive. Also, if you don't think you're dying, I'd be wary of extreme diagnoses. You'd benefit more by being responsible about your health.
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Discover Baker Library. The hospital cafeteria-like quality of Berry Library makes me nauseous. I much prefer the old fashioned charm of the Baker Reserve Corridor. Plus, if you're bored, the graffiti on those Reserve tables are always more entertaining than staring at gray walls. Also, the plushness of the Tower Room is a guaranteed cure for insomnia.
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Having a bike helps. The campus is fairly small, but it's much easier to get from a class near the medical school to a class near the business school in 10 minutes if you have a bike. Plus, biking in New Hampshire is beautiful. Be warned, riding your bike in the winter can be painful. There's no better way to discover all the holes in your clothing than a biking into the blast of the Arctic wind.
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Take naps. I'm very serious about this one. It's the only way to survive. I'm not talking about the ones you accidentally take during your freshman seminar. If you don't take naps, you'll find that it is quite easy to fall asleep, even in a six-person class, and then you get caught.
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Blitz is the preferred form of communication. There are some renegades who much prefer the telephone, but for everyone else email ("blitz") will become a new addiction. I suggest following the crowd on this one.
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Get involved. It's almost impossible not to be captured by one of the many organizations on campus. But it's definitely a good thing. Joining organizations makes you well rounded and it's a great way to meet people. There are enough choices among Miniversity classes, athletic classes, community service groups and outing club events. Don't be afraid to let your interests diverge from those of your immediate friends. The only thing that can happen is that you'll make more friends but that's not a bad thing.
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Yes, it gets cold in the winter. What are you, an idiot? What did you expect from New Hampshire? Having your hair freeze on the way to class on winter mornings is commonplace. This cold isn't the type where you say, "Hmmm it's a wee bit chilly here." Instead, it assaults your senses. You feel as if you've been slapped on the face, punched in the stomach and knocked flat on your back. Take precautions if you don't want to accidentally reconfigure your anatomy. I suggest a heavy winter coat, gloves, a hat, a scarf and wool-ish socks. And make sure it's all removable, because the classrooms will be well heated. Most importantly, don't lick anything immobile outside. That's just stupid.
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Cheese fries vs. Hop fries -- the ultimate showdown. It's a tossup. Try them both and form your own opinion. I enjoy the Hop's "sure, we can fry that" mentality, although others prefer Food Court's delightfully soggy fries and imitation cheese. Pick your poison; either way you're shortening your life.
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Read my articles. And make sure to blitz the editors telling them what a great job I'm doing. Most importantly, feel free to shower me with praise and adoration.
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Don't worry about your distributives (too much). Worry about taking classes you will enjoy and you'll eventually fulfill all your requirements. Don't concentrate too hard on finishing them all your freshman year, because you'll end up missing other good classes. On the other hand, don't be like me and wait too long. I still have a QDS (math, for all practical purposes) to fulfill, and I don't even remember elementary trigonometry.
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Diversity. You'll definitely hear this word a few times, so allow me to summarize before it's forced upon you in enema form: Regardless of how much you know or don't know, you don't know everything about a person's background. Everyone at Dartmouth comes to this institution with a different perspective. Just because you haven't heard of a place, or aren't familiar with a person's customs, is only reason to want to learn more. With all things you do, see, hear or think of in your time at Dartmouth, avoid characterizations and approach with an open mind. And perhaps most importantly, don't shy away from new experiences. Don't waste these next four years -- embrace them, for they will be among the best of your life.