You would never use your backpack as a battering ram to get to the front of the line at KAF, or would you? While it might be okay to be a little more aggressive at FoCo, there are several unwritten rules to dining etiquette at Dartmouth. After a year of observation, we have taken on the task of defining these unwritten rules to help out those of us who just don’t catch on to social cues.
The Class of 1953 Commons
Walking around: Whether you are creeping on that cutie at Ma Thayer’s or getting more chicken nuggets, walking around the food section is one of the easiest ways to get in your facetime. Walking around is perfectly harmless, but don’t forget about the people you are actually eating with. If you are with a large group, it is okay to take a little bit too much time at the salad bar. If you are with just one other person, don’t leave them alone at the table for too long.
Seat-saving: Primetime seat finding can be difficult, so it is necessary to claim your territory. While a phone or an ID is usually enough to secure a spot, leaving things like single sheets of paper or napkins is not. Furthermore, don’t be obnoxious about saving seats for your closest 20 friends.
Panini Press: If you decide to make a sandwich during lunch, wait patiently in line for the panini press. Nothing is worse than an aggressive panini line cutter. Also, be respectful to your fellow sandwich makers. If you have a monster sandwich, don’t put it next to a quesadilla. If there is room in the panini press for another sandwich, tell the person behind you.
Watermelon: If there is watermelon in the fruit line, it is perfectly fine to form a separate line that just goes to the watermelon. Everyone needs to get his melon! Wait appropriately.
Large spills/cleaning: When you put your dishes away, separate your silverware from your plates, bowls and mugs. It’s easy to do and is really helpful. In the case that you spill all of your food somewhere, tell a DDS worker and stay with your mess. I know it’s a little awkward.
Blackboard: Have actual suggestions! Things like “NARP JAY” or “are you even trying?” are not helpful. While you might think of something really witty, try to suggest actual foods. If you can accomplish both of these at the same time, you are a god.
Collis Cafe
Attitude: In Collis, you never have to worry about anything because we spent a whole term renovating to solve all our problems and make everything a breeze. Wait, no, we spent a whole term waiting to get sneeze guards and ice cream. The best way to navigate Collis is to put on a smile and expect that you will not emerge unscathed.
Backpacks: The most important and widely known rule is to drop your backpack. I’m fairly certain this is written somewhere in our honor code. And while it may be tempting to leave your puffy winter coat on as a bumper shield, take that off too. The extra few inches of space are life-changing in a long pasta line.
Timing: If you are dining at peak hours, develop a strategy. If your friend wants stir-fry, and you just want salad, wait until she reaches the front of the line, or else you’ll be eating lettuce alone. On the off chance that you find yourself there while it’s quiet and empty, dance around the salad bar and do whatever you please because that is a truly special moment that deserves to be celebrated.
Loitering: While you wait, however, do not wander. Every movement in Collis must be strategically thought- out. Know what you want, figure out the most direct path and make a beeline for it.
Judgment: From a humane standpoint, do not treat Collis as a spectator sport. Yes, it may be tempting to gawk when you hear an order for a dozen eggs over easy, or see someone put an entire head of kale into a smoothie, but this is a safe haven from judgment. You’ll want the same respect as you bite into your 20th mozz stick.
Novack Cafe
Ordering: It’s a dog-eat-dog world when ordering food at Novack. If you come to Novack during a busy time, know exactly what you want, have your card out and know when it is your turn to order. If not, you will have a loud “WHO’S NEXT?” screamed at your face. When this happens, don’t stare at the lady like a deer in the headlights, like I usually do. Be assertive and order exactly what you want.
Eating in: There are no major etiquette rules when eating in Novack. Be as loud or as quiet as you want. While many people are at Novack to study, it is understood that you do not have to be quiet. This is not the 1902 Room. Also, it is fine for one person to claim an entire table. Spread out and get comfy, no one is judging.
The Hop
Line-cutting: This is the time to practice that “golden rule” you learned in elementary school. When you feel tempted to skip to the front, remember that time that you waited patiently for 20 minutes, delirious with hunger and dreaming of onion rings, only to have an entire sports team cut in front of you at the last minute. If you absolutely must wait with your friends, try to adhere to the “don’t get in line until your whole party is present” rule.
Off-menu requests: If you know what you’re doing, do it. If you think you know what you’re doing, be bold and don’t chicken out. If you don’t know what you’re doing, stick to the script.
Strawberries: When they have them, know that you are essentially paying a dollar per mid-sized berry. Proceed to buy them anyway.
Napkins: You should absolutely grab several before sitting down, and you should expect them to be translucent with grease by the time you finish. This is perfectly acceptable — don’t panic.
King Arthur Flour
Lingo: KAF is the place that made me understand the logic behind Starbucks’s size system, because I have never been more confused than when placing an order for a “small medium” coffee. That being said, know that the people behind the counter will probably understand you no matter what you say, so don’t waste too much time trying to perfect their lingo.
Sandwiches: Although you should not waste time ordering when there’s a long line, no one will blame you for taking a few seconds to whine about not being able to get a sandwich anymore. In fact, this is obligatory. Always whine about not being able to get a sandwich.
Diet: If you choose to dine in KAF or any of the close locations within the library, know that the rules about what you eat are very different from what you learned growing up. A full baguette is a perfectly acceptable snack, and there is no shame in taking a fork straight to a chocolate indulgence cake. However, take a loud bite of your apple and be prepared for daggers.
