Since I'll be graduating soon (such tragedy), I thought I'd present you all with a little wish list: the Top Ten Changes I Would Like to See Happen at this School after I'm Gone.
Last night, like many sleeping people, I had a dream. I was walking in a beautiful grove, while breathtaking purple sunlight burst through the trees and showered me with its humming, luminescent goodness (well, it WAS a dream). Somewhere in the distance the Aires were harmonizing, but strangely enough the music actually sounded good.
Maybe, after all, it's not so bad going to Dartmouth. For four years (or as many as eight years for some of us) we are pampered, patted on our respective backs, told zillions of time that we are "the best and brightest." Time passes, and many of us begin to believe the ego-stroking.
Dartmouth I've given you all and now I'm nothing. Dartmouth one hundred twenty thousand dollars June 8, 1997. I can't stand my own dorm. Dartmouth when will we end the DDS war? Go f*ck yourself with your DA$H account. I don't feel good don't bother me. I won't write my thesis till I'm in my right mind. Dartmouth when will you be affordable? When will you get rid of your fines? When will you look at yourself through your students' eyes? When will you be worthy of your 50 Classics majors? Dartmouth why are your libraries full of stress? Dartmouth when will you send your recruiters to Hell? I'm sick of your expensive demands. When can I go into Topside and buy what I need with my good looks? Dartmouth after all it is you and I who are perfect not grad school. Your BlitzMail is too much for me. You made me want to be motivated. There must be some other way to settle this overdue book notice. Pelton is in Norwich I don't think he'll come back it's sinister. Are you being sinister or is this another fine? I'm trying to come to the point. I refuse to give up my halogen lamp. Dartmouth stop fining I know what I'm doing. Dartmouth the weather should be warm every day. I haven't read the campus publications for months, everyday someone goes on trial for plagiarism. Dartmouth I feel sentimental about Beta. Dartmouth I joined a Greek house when I was a sophomore I'm not sorry. I smoke marijuana every chance I get. I sit in my dorm for days on end and stare at the Snood screen. When I go to Amarna I get drunk and never get laid. My mind is made up there's going to be trouble. You should have seen me reading Leslie Silko. My Dick's House counselor thinks I'm perfectly right. I have purple sunglasses and hair on my back. Dartmouth I still haven't told you what you did to M.D.
I finally got sick of the sad, soaked, phony world of Dartmouth editorial writing -- it was Hunter S.
Since I'll be graduating soon (such tragedy), I thought I'd present you all with a little wish list: the Top Ten Changes I Would Like to See Happen at this School after I'm Gone.
Death. The Last Dance. The Big Sleep. The Grand Finale. The Toothless Grin. We are all born with one guarantee in life, and that is that at some point, perhaps eighty years or ten days down the line, we will die.
So you want to write a thesis. Or better yet, you don't want to write a thesis. Maybe you're wondering, 'Should I write a thesis?' Hey juniors, '98's, five-year plan '97's, anal-compulsive goal-obsessed freshmen and prospectives: Are you going to write a thesis? Maybe you're a Govy or Eccy or Socy or, uh, Geoggy major.
[Note: The following is excerpted from the valedictory address made by graduating senior Leslie K.
The closest I came to a 4.0 was my Blood Alcohol Level." I saw this on a T-shirt the other day, as I was preparing to take a shower in my charming dorm bathroom.