Matt Scott and Emily Duke


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The Drunkest Girls at the Party

Why is J. Lo here? Wait, is that Karen Walker dressed as a slutty nurse? J. Lo really does have an amazing ass, doesn't she? As we ponder these questions, we realize we are no longer sitting poolside at P.


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The Drunkest Girls at the Party

The key to a successful and effective Green Key is in the planning. Laying down a set of goals may appear bitch-made to some, but why wouldn't you want to maximize your drinking time, ensure you will achieve the level of weirdness you want and possibly be able to have some evidence of what occurred over the course of the weekend? A Green Key itinerary is key, and because we are loyal, we are going to give you a few hints as to what might be appearing on ours for this upcoming lesser holiday to Derby. THE MOTHERFUCKING ITINERARY: FUCKING WEDNESDAY:10 a.m.



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The drunkest girls at the party

So Charlie Sheen didn't teach you enough about winning? Pregnant, alone and standing on the roof of the church on West Wheelock with a Twisted Tea, Zoloft and a little bit of water?


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The Drunkest Girls at the Party

Life has changed. Things are often weird and vague, and when you're high people make you watch "Red Planet." We are post-Gaga living in a material world, both jobless and trying to join the actual world.


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The Drunkest Girls at the Party

We struggled to find a serious bone in our bodies after years of hiding everything behind jokes and the massive amount of hair on one of our heads.


The Drunkest Girls at the Party

Maybe we are being irrational or just downright paranoid, but we have always been petrified of the snow sculpture ... more so now after watching that one sculpture collapse in front of us (rest in peace, DOC house ... nawt). You may think that we are just complaining for the sake of complaining ... maybe a little.




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The Drunkest Girls at the Party

We are both drunk girls, but we also both have penises (what up Lady GaGa). We sink fulls and halves and occasionally (by occasionally, we mean never) get golden tree'd.


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