The Chicken Baby of Halloween
(11/05/14 8:00am)
Why did the baby cross the road? … BECAUSE HE WAS A CHICKEN!
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Why did the baby cross the road? … BECAUSE HE WAS A CHICKEN!
1. Played 2.3 games of pong
With the passing of Halloween and the arrival of November, we find ourselves reflecting on this past weekend. With all this spandex going on, it only makes sense that we ask ourselves “If each Ivy dressed up for Halloween, what superhero would they have been?”
"Others in the crowd maymaliciously yell out, ‘Worst class ever!’ or ’Touch the fire!’Those are the chants of those misguided souls who maybelieve that tradition lives on in demeaning the experiencesof others."
So you’re going to a Halloween party this weekend, but don't have a costume. You knew Halloween was this weekend and that you would need one. But in the midst of midterms and papers, you have neglected to do anything about a costume. You, my friend, need a backup plan.
You Dartbeat readers have been very selfish lately. The Dartbeat family has been hitting you with all sorts of autumnal Halloween goodness: we’ve told you all the haunted spots YOU shouldcheck out around Hanover, we’ve given YOU eight autumn recipes to try out and we’ve helped decide whoYOU should be for Halloween. I’m putting my foot down and saying ENOUGH. It is not all about you, you, you (well, it kind of is, but still). So I am introducing the first annual “What Should Administrators Be For Halloween?” because even administrators need some Dartbeat TLC.
I grew up in Jersey City, New Jersey. For those of you who don’t know where that is, it’s right across the Hudson River from New York City (please don’t refer to us as the sixth borough, or we will hurt you). So my autumns were pretty muchspent drinking fake apple cider and eating ShopRite pumpkin pie. Oh, and waiting for the leaves to turn red on the one tree we had on our block and then watching the street sweepers clear out the leaves everyTuesdaymorning. *sigh*
I grew up in Jersey City, New Jersey. For those of you who don’t know where that is, it’s right across the Hudson River from New York City (please don’t refer to us as the sixth borough, or we will hurt you). So my autumns were pretty muchspent drinking fake apple cider and eating ShopRite pumpkin pie. Oh, and waiting for the leaves to turn red on the one tree we had on our block and then watching the street sweepers clear out the leaves everyTuesdaymorning. *sigh*
Quizzes by Quibblo.com
I have decided to officially nominate Kanye Westto be the unofficial frontman of this column. Not just because my friend sent me thisthe other day, but because he never gets embarrassed, he is honest with himselfand he alwaysloveshimself. He doesn’t take shitfrom anyone and he never fails to let people know how he feels about them. If Kanye went to Dartmouth he would dancelike no one was watching at Sig Ep’s Pop-Punk party, be that kid who corrects the teacher in the middle of class,and generally do “dope shit.”I am most certain Kanye would admit something to me with his face like thisto drive home the point that he is a god.
Hear ye, hear ye! Ladies and gentlemen, guys and gals, beirut and pong lovers alike, it is my distinct honor to inform you that the debate is officially over — Dartmouthisin fact the birthplace of beer pong.
“What’s a blitz?” you might wonder. Is it a football maneuver? Is it a 2011 Jason Statham film? A sudden military attack? Yes. Yes to all of those.
Need a place to anonymously complain about midterms, the weather or Cornell? Want to brag about how drunk you are or how much sex you’re having? Or do you just want to read jokes, some Dartmouth-specific, some stolen from other online sources?
Well, it’s happened. The big fall weekend has come and gone, the fire has been touched, the miles have been run. And the late night texts have been sent. We’ve found some of your best texts amid the Homecoming frolicking and although the weekend is over, the texts will live on (even if you don’t remember them).
Portsmouth, England. Oct. 17, 1714,8:00 p.m.My time machine is finally complete! Now I must travel 300 years into the future to discover a cure for the smallpox that has been plaguing the village. I need to do so quickly — this thunderstorm is growing bigger as we speak. I have the date and location programmed into the machine. I will write again from the future.
This is the third week of Dartmouth Admissions and I have effectively run through my list of people who owe me favors. So I've become that crazy person standing outside the admissions building yelling at people innocently trying to get lunch at Collis to “COME ADMIT SOMETHING TO ME.” Let me tell you, sounding like a crazy person is exhausting.
In case you have been living under a rock and/or you haven’t looked up from your notes because you’ve been studying for midterms, Dartmouth Homecoming is this Friday, October 17!!!!!
PSA: This article is not about getting into college, but rather about getting into shenanigans. The title is merely a clever pun.
