Better Places to Build a Dorm than College Park

By Carolyn Silverstein | 11/6/17 2:53pm

Recently, our fearless leader College President Phil Hanlon announced that the College would be looking into the feasibility of housing 750 undergraduates in College Park. The general student body reaction was something along the lines of this:

We wondered why anyone would build a dorm in College Park when there are so many better locations. For instance…

1. Choates Cluster

They were supposed to be temporary anyway!

2. Next to the Cube

Alternative social spaces? More like alternative living spaces.    

3. In between Baker and Berry

You already sleep here anyway.

4. Behind the Life Sciences Center

Or next to it. Or under it. Or in its parking lot. There is so much space around the LSC.

5. Novack

We already have KAF, and besides, who wouldn’t want to live in Baker-Berry?

6. Above Foco

Now no one will catch you stealing a second banana.

7. The River

Not the River Cluster — literally the river. You could canoe to class, and what’s more crunchy than that?

8. On top of the Top of the Hop

Sounds like a Dr. Seuss book.

9. The Green

Then there’d be no worries about the Homecoming bonfire.

10. The Skiway

Perfect for the crunchiest of DOC members!

11. KAF

Save some time by literally just living in line.

12. Literally anywhere else.

There are many dorms, but only one College Park.

Carolyn Silverstein