8 Ways to Mask the Atrocity that is the New Hood Museum Design

By Margaret Jones | 4/11/16 9:01am

With the slew of new campus policies over the past few years, it comes as no surprise to Dartmouth students that the administration is looking to ~move Dartmouth forward~. Whether that means redefining the Greek system, banning the consumption of hard alcohol or (God forbid) prohibiting the use of hoverboards, the administration’s decisions are almost always met with backlash from Dartbeat the student body.

However, the administration has yet to commit an offense so egregious as the recently unveiled design for the new Hood Museum of Art. The museum is beginning construction this spring and is rumored to re-open in January 2019.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking, and I am sorry for bringing up 2019 the year that must not be named as most of us will be in the *gasp* real world by then (also #RIP fun, dreams and not having to pay actual money for food). But as drastic and tragic as this may seem, there is always a silver lining. We now have something to be grateful for after graduation:

We won’t have to look at this new cable-box-modern-cube-of-seemingly-sophisticated-design every day.

Unfortunately, future Big Greeners, visiting off-term students and returning alums will see this upon their visit to campus. So there’s no way of truly avoiding this eyesore. Thankfully, Dartbeat has comprised a list of eight possible suggestions for a better, less-sucky museum design:

1) MacBook Pro

You really can’t go wrong with something that most college students use every day. This design truly shows Dartmouth’s academic rigor, which the administration is seeking to cram down the media’s our throat.

Optional: stickers and a colorful shell case, if you’re feeling adventurous.

2) Rubik’s Cube

Speaking of academic pursuits, nothing captures the essence of completing a term at Dartmouth like a Rubik’s cube – you go through it as fast as you possibly can and always end up just short of a complete product.

3) Kleenex Box

There is no better way to keep sick students down than to remind them of their omnipresent illness as they walk to pick up a care package from Hinman.

4) Birthday Cake

Happy birthday to you! As your personal gift, you no longer have to look at a weird silver box! Instead you can stand in awe while your meal-swipeless mouth waters at the sight of this gargantuan treat.

5) A Singular Choate

Because who doesn’t want to be reminded of the painful (and fun-filled) memories of freshman fall pre-games?

6) SAE

Consider this a less original spin on alternative, alternative social spaces.

7) Hard Alcohol

A façade such as this would serve as a daily reminder to students of the dangers and absolutely horrifying consequences of hard alcohol consumption. #allaboardtheadmintrain #choochoo

8) Keystone Case

A classic, time-held and tasty (debatable) alternative to the new Hood Museum design. Many Dartmouth students may not appreciate art, but we damn sure appreciate a can of Keystone!

Margaret Jones