The Definitive Ranking of PB’s Green Key Concert Options

By Stacy Livingston, The Dartmouth Staff | 1/27/16 6:00am

Hello. It’s me, someone completely unqualified to offer my musical opinion, about to weigh in passionately! My tastes are the only ones that matter, because I am the foremost authority and everything that you listen to or that I haven’t heard is swill.

Here are some other things I might do:

No Merchandising. Editorial Use Only. No Book Cover Usage
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Snap Stills/Rex/REX USA (1338270j)
Jack Black
The School Of Rock - 2003

  • Berate anyone with musical preferences different from mine

  • Complain that my favorite artist isn’t on the list of options

  • Look up the price range of my favorite artist and post it on Yik Yak

  • Complain about Programming Board

  • Imply that I would join Programming Board and straighten everything out, if only I had the time

  • Lament the fact that Green Key concerts are “always lame”

  • Suggest that we completely rearrange the budget (which I don’t understand) in order to have a more expensive concert that better caters to me personally

  • Firmly believe that maliciousness and fun-hatred on the behalf of Programming Board is the sole reason we cannot have Adele

  • Compare our spring concert to that of a much larger school

  • Complain about Hanover

  • Try to gloss over the fact that everyone is going to be drunk at this concert and not care, as well as the fact that I once tried to see how many people in the concert crowd I could bite without them noticing

1. The Mowglis

The Jungle Book

2. Elle King

3. X Ambassadors


5. Matt + Kim

6. Cash Cash

7. Alessia Cara

8. Hoodie Allen


9. Rae Sremmurd

10. Coleman Hell

11. Dan + Shay

12. Raury

Stacy Livingston, The Dartmouth Staff